\ (2019 \) year-end reflections
Fu Siwei
For a time I do not know where to write on, I just want to hurry up in 2019, immediately, immediately, the sooner the better.
I'm very bad with 2019 relationships, at least I think so. It can be described as those years I had not ring true most of the year: in addition to failure is the failure, in addition to frustration or setbacks, in addition to hard or hard - you know, I'm like most successful, smooth and idle.
Begin at the beginning.
January 2019.
January 9 I first walked into the introduction of Dir Ren Jianji the Chittagong high school, he went into the innermost part of the competition informatics contest the classroom, saw every day now can see, but at that time a very strange two coach. Just from that little, not warm compartment, I embarked on this road race. Since early January, the final exam grades accidentally took second (Damn, this is the eighth time the second), plus I spent a day of school progress over the older seniors several months, the moment they see the coach on me. I read a lot of seniors with good deeds, gold and silver the way until I was dazzled. He vowed to me: if you learn to go on, then, you will like them. This sentence instantly ignited my vanity, I seemed to see the near future - of course, I was seeing the future is certainly very brilliant.
So I nodded.
In early April 2019.
School only a month, it seems very far away from the test. Because injured his leg did not participate in physical exam, all of a sudden someone else down 10 points. So there is no good answer written test, all of a sudden he fell out of a second, this may be a good start. Because the test are still far away, so we also do not want to sign something and recommend students like. But I was almost at the same time the school received two calls at this time, two teacher recruitment either side of my mother brainwashed, conditions are most favorable. Mother wanted me to go to Normal. But I have some more consideration, for various reasons, I chose to Chittagong. So in the evening after an ordinary school, I once again came to Chittagong high school, sitting in the office of the Competition Department in stone teacher, he introduced me to listen to the new class type - that is, I'm going - six classes. Stone teacher introduced me to the six classes of particularity and advantages for all my doubts, he gave me a satisfactory answer.
So I nodded.
June 2019.
Going in the exam, in this season's most smoke smell, I smell the warm summer is warm sunshine taste, and fresh fragrance of wild flowers. Gradually yourself what are indifferent, there are activities for me to speak, casually write on writing brought to trial, naturally, will not counter-power. Fine art sound common sense test, one did not see, almost failed. Excellent Student provincial election? Not elected. Recommended Health, reported that simply do not want to find my name on the list? no way. Learn? examination? Oh, life is not easy so why fight it hard? Draw the water passed it.
This semester I did not get through the first time. But I still have the test surprisingly optimistic attitude, he considered himself to the test will resurgence. However, according to the test but did not go as I expected, the mathematics exam mentality collapse, instantly anxious Fire Attack heart, began to vomit from early morning until six in the morning the next day. I was rack into the examination room, when the answer in English to hold a pen hands are trembling. When out of the examination room, I understand English, the test is not a function of the peak of my life, but trough.
Graduation party still struggling up the chair, spoke a few incoherent words, ate a meal. This is something.
Send scores of the day I am a man sat in a gazebo on the Peony Garden, in the afternoon I was crazy to learn, a day of school over a three-day course. This is also something the.
August 2019.
A summer airing soak in the room in the house. Learned a lot of things, the more we learn the more competition is not so simple. Wait until school, only to find the original stone teacher commitment is not so tricky, precisely, is not a fly. But the die was cast, so I joined the high school six classes, this class has become a very ordinary one. This is probably what I do in this youth the most errors and the most correct decision.
October 2019.
In order to impact the league, I decided to full-time. Month to quiz the class 22. Take the time especially anxious.
November 2019.
Full-time for a month, learned a lot. Although no one was simulated game high score, but still able to find all kinds of reasons relieved himself. He lived a very regular life, but also very nervous. Mid-League. All kinds of mistakes and crash, although we all recognize this is basically the most difficult time ever league title, but I do not want to find their own reasons for this. Grounds belong to the weak, though I was not strong. Want to take a province, but the province took only two. Dingy back to class and found that he did not keep up with the progress of the class. The class teacher to take care of me, let me borrow chemistry competition classrooms make up their own cultural classes. Week is the devil's week, I exercise brushing the four books during the week, mending contents of three textbooks. A lot of times during the flow nosebleed, the mirror in the bathroom accused many times of people. The first doubt his ability.
December 31, 2019.
Discard the time part of homework Write your own year-end summary. Looked back at what they write, they are some running account, no glory, no success, no man master counter-attack to save the world. Not many people want to come will be interested in reading.
I wanted to cry but to write. Maybe later I read, also felt like crying.
Maybe I had too much experience smooth sailing. Basically, for all things, you will be able to find it was, to whom must be fruit. Life seems to be so smooth sailing to go, not without setbacks ups and downs, slowly breathed a smooth sailing on the broad road, and finally arrived unexpectedly without any final end, but the end point must have something I want, there is no why.
I consider myself once how arrogant, presumptuous and arrogant publicize their personality, basic disregard the feelings of others. Even if there are some soft, it is also buried beneath the arrogance and unruly. At that time really hurt yourself. But graduation hair Classmates, close up and are full of flattering words of worship. So many years, I've learned to live with their attitude is this, feel their own popularity is very good. As everyone knows, when those who own aura faded, those voids became apparent, need to make up for the truth, however, who are willing to go to such a powerless people to pay for me?
This year I frantically doubt everything: doubt yourself, doubt the social, emotional and relationship suspicion between people. I gradually came to understand myself a lot of time not so invincible, and many times this society is not so harmonious, of course, between people, the relationship would not have been so harmonious. So I understand, "Life is experience," meaning of this sentence. Not only experienced the good and the wind is considered experienced adversity is also an integral part of life. When the wind to know how stable, maintain and enjoy the adversity of the time to learn to persevere, struggle and encouragement.
This year also thank all those willing to accompany my side. You are my true friends and relatives, friends and comrades. When I failed again and again to harvest more cynical than the last time, when I think negatively this world only respect strength, even friendships, family, love them the most beautiful human emotions is sustained by the strength of the time are you with companionship and comfort I encourage bad mood, patiently told me: not everything can rely on "power" over the strength to snatch the world. Those scenery or whether you come down, and you willingly walked side by side feelings, what we need is the real treasure.
This year, thanks to adhere to the teeth themselves. Thank you to all the tears and pain are swallowed in the stomach, sadness and confusion to stay in the night, and then put on a smile and self-confidence to move forward in the early morning. Thank you for helping me to listen to your inner voice, telling me what I really want, and, without asking for cheering for me.
I think every year is a "scrubber", from their own past, or what is washed away, or what reaction. 2019, for me, is a big wash bottle, which contained a strong reducing solution, Magnificence and wash away my glory, I again reduced to the most common of a student. If I have to paste some gold to his face, then in 2019 made me calm, become less hard-edged, become calm, objective, know what the future long way to go.
Yes, it is still very long, really long, long.
So I hope that 2019 hurry, hurry. Take away my sorrow, confusion and uncertainty, it is best never to give it to me.
Do not you remember? After the material is reduced, and it can achieve a higher valence state.
2019.12.31