April 15th 2020
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About validity
Definition of "validity"
The seven habits introduced in this book are most consistent with the principle of efficiency, and the effect is the most lasting. They can help you solve problems more effectively, seize opportunities, and absorb the most correct ideas.
My definition of "effectiveness" is "P / PC balance". Aesop ’s fable contains the story of a goose laying golden eggs, just enough to illustrate this principle that is often overlooked.
The story is that a farmer accidentally discovered a goose that could lay golden eggs, and soon became a rich man. But wealth made him more greedy and irritable. A golden egg couldn't satisfy him every day, so the farmer whimsically slaughtered the goose, trying to take out all the golden eggs in the belly of the goose. Unexpectedly, when I opened it, there was no golden egg in the goose's belly, but the goose was dead and could no longer produce golden eggs.
This fable is a good example of the concept of efficacy. Most people tend to measure efficiency from the perspective of golden eggs, that is, the more products, the higher the efficiency. But the above story tells us that efficiency includes two elements, one is "production" (golden egg), which is the result you want to obtain; one is "production capability" (production capability), that is, the goose The asset or ability to achieve the goal.
People who only value the golden egg and ignore the goose will end up not even keeping the golden egg-producing assets themselves. On the contrary, people who "goose more than eggs" may not be able to feed themselves, let alone goose. Therefore, output and production capacity must be balanced to achieve true high efficiency.
Only when the output and production capacity are balanced can the real efficiency be achieved. Although you often face difficult choices, it is indeed the essence of the principle of effectiveness. In daily life, there are enough examples to prove this truth. For example, have you ever stayed up late because you wanted to do something more, but you were exhausted and even unwell? On the contrary, if you sleep well, you will be energetic the next day and you can do more things and prepare for the day Challenge?
The balance of output and production capacity is the essence of effectiveness, which is universally applicable. It is a lighthouse and the foundation of seven habits.
Habit # 1: Be proactive and free to choose
You absolutely can't imagine my journey! I am a nurse, and I am responsible for the care of a patient who may be the most discerning and most difficult patient in the world. He never said a word of gratitude. Instead, he looked everywhere and made mistakes everywhere, making me suffer every day, and then involuntarily vent the pain on his family. Other nurses share the same sentiment. We simply hope he will die sooner.
And you actually stand on the stage and talk proactively. No one can treat me without my consent. Do I have to find my pain? This concept is really unacceptable.
But I still kept pondering these words, and explored to the deepest part of my heart. I asked myself: Can I really choose my response?
Finally, I found that I did have this ability. After swallowing the bitter medicine, and admitting that pain was my choice, I realized that people can choose not to suffer.
At that moment I stood up, and I just felt like a reborn prisoner, and wanted to declare to the world: "I am free! I am free from the prison! I am no longer subject to the treatment given to me by others."
Verbal attitude comparison table:
Passive
● I have no power
● I am such a person
● He made me angry
● They will not accept
● I was forced to ...
● I ca n’t
● I must
● If
active
● Try to see if there are other possibilities
● I can choose a different style
● I can control my emotions
● I can think of effective expressions
● I can choose the appropriate response
● I choose
● I prefer
● I plan to ...
Circle of concern and circle of influence
Everyone has some concerns, including health, children, career, economic status or world situation, which can be classified as "circle of concern".
Some of them can be mastered by others, while others are powerless. Circle the things that individuals can control to form a "circle of influence".
Those who focus on the "influence circle" are down-to-earth and not so far-reaching; investing their energy in what they can do, the achievements will gradually expand the circle of influence.
On the contrary, passive people concentrate on the “concern circle”, always forgetting the limitations of the environment and the lack of others, and worrying about the situation that cannot be changed. As a result, the feelings of resentment and shrinking, and the feeling of persecution are growing stronger. Due to the wrong direction and side effects, the circle of influence will shrink.
Because each person's status, wealth, role and interpersonal relationship are different, in some cases, the influence circle may be greater than the attention circle. This reflects that the person is selfish and shallow, and is another form of restraint.
Of course, the exertion of influence has its priority, and it cannot be completely out of focus. However, for active people, the circle of attention should be similar to that of the circle of influence, so that the influence can be most effectively exerted.
If you want to understand a person's attention circle and influence circle, you can see the clues from the words. Most of the sentences describing the attention circle are hypothetical.
"If my home loan is paid off, I will have no worries."
"If my boss is not so authoritarian ..."
"If my husband has a better temper ... the child will obey ..."
"If I can have more time of my own ..."
"If I have a higher degree ..."
As for the statements reflecting the influence circle, most of them emphasize their own cultivation, for example:
"I can be more patient, wise, and considerate ..."
Let us return to the circle of influence. The core of this range is the promise and the promise of practice. Commitment to others and never saying anything is the noblest expression of proactiveness and the true meaning of personal growth. With the self-consciousness and conscience of human talents, we can review ourselves to find out what needs to be improved and the potential that can still be realized. Then use imagination and independent will to establish ambitions, make promises, and resolve. This is the process of human growth.
Promises and determination can make us master life. Having the courage to make a promise, even a trivial matter, can stimulate self-esteem. Because it means that we have self-control and have the courage and strength to take on more responsibilities. Through constant promises and practical promises, one day the sense of honor will override the emotional response. Therefore, the power to keep one's promise to oneself is one of the basic conditions that are indispensable for a successful life.
30-day trial
Use 30 days to practice the active spirit. During these 30 days, I will concentrate on the things in the circle of influence, make promises and honor them. Be a candle that illuminates others, not a judge who judges right or wrong; lead by example, don't focus on criticism; solve problems, don't create problems
This principle can be tried in marriage, family, and work. You do n’t have to blame others or make mistakes. You do n’t blame the sky or the people, but try to do what you want.
Be compassionate about the lack of others. It doesn't matter how others treat me, what matters is how they treat people. Do n’t live under the drive of your parents, colleagues, or society. Please make good use of your independent will and be responsible for your behavior and happiness, so that you can enjoy the greatest freedom and happiness.
Samuel Johnson, a British dictionary editor and author, once said:
The fountain of satisfaction must come from within. If you do not understand human nature, and seek to find a happy person without changing yourself, you will spend your entire life in a meaningless pursuit, and increasingly increase the pain you try to get rid of.
Act now
1. For a whole day, listen to the words of yourself and the people around you, and pay attention to whether the words "hope", "I can't do it" or "I have to" appear frequently.
2. Based on past experience, do you imagine that you will encounter some retreat and avoid situations in the near future? Is this situation within the scope of influence? How should you respond in a proactive manner? Please simulate them in your mind. Remind yourself that there is still room between stimulation and response, and grasp the spirit of free choice.
3. From work or daily life, find a problem that frustrates you. Determine that it is a direct, indirect, or uncontrollable problem, and then find the first step in the circle of influence to solve and put it into action.
4. Try the proactive principle for 30 days and observe whether there is any change in the circle of influence?
April 16th 2020
Habit 2: Start with the end
After too many people succeed, they feel empty; after gaining fame and fortune, they find that they have sacrificed more valuable things. Therefore, we must grasp the truly important vision, and then move forward courageously and persevere to make life meaningful.
The things outside the body are insignificant compared to the inner strength.
-Oliver Wendell Holmes, former Justice of the Supreme Court
The habit of beginning with the end can be applied to different levels of life, and the most basic purpose is the final expectation of life.
We should always keep our mission in mind in mind at all times, and we must move forward every day, not daring to violate it.
Confirming the mission also means identifying the direction before starting to do anything. This will not only provide a more thorough understanding of the current situation, but also will not lead you astray in the process of pursuing your goals.
There are many forks in the journey of life. If you are not careful, you will go wrong. Many people are desperately working hard, but they do not know why they came, and they still find that the ladder of success is wrong, and it is too late. Therefore, people may be busy, but not necessarily meaningful.
Leadership and management: the embodiment of two creations
The difference between leadership and management is like thinking and behavior. Management is to effectively do things well, leadership is to determine whether the things are done correctly; management is to strive to climb up the ladder of success, and the leader indicates whether the ladder is leaning against the correct wall.
I remember in Seattle, I once hosted a 1-year executive refresher course for an oil company. In the last class, the company president told me about his personal lessons:
Stephen, after you pointed out the difference between leadership and management in the second month, I immediately reviewed my role and found that I never led. Being busy with management problems every day is already disappointing. So I decided to quit management and leave it to others to take responsibility. I hope to set a good direction for the company.
This is not easy! It is very painful to let go regardless of the urgent business in front of me, and sacrifice the achievements at my fingertips. Thinking hard about how to lead the company, how to build a corporate culture, how to seize the opportunity, and in-depth analysis of some problems, even give me headaches. The management staff underwent maladjustment, and they were no longer able to push the problem to me to solve, and their lives were more difficult than before.
But I am determined to stick to it, because I believe I must be a leader. Now that I have indeed done it, the whole company seems to be reborn. Today, we are more able to respond to changes in the environment, the company's turnover has doubled, and profits have tripled. I really used my leadership.
In the family, parents will inevitably fall into a similar management trap, focusing only on rules, efficiency and control, ignoring the purpose, direction and affection of discipline. As for personal life, there may be even less dominance. All day long, he drew up camps, but he was aimless like a headless fly.
The autobiography of the late Egyptian President Anwar Sadt tells about one of the most exciting rewriting of life script
story. Sadat grew up in an environment that hates Israel, and once used hatred to mobilize the will of the people. This script has strong independence and strong nationalism, but it is also stupid, ignoring the fact that the world today is interdependent. Sadat also knew this.
So Sadat decided to rewrite his life script. Because of his involvement in the overthrow of King Farooq, he was imprisoned. There, he learned to look at himself from the perspective of bystanders, to reflect on himself, and to reform himself.
When he finally became the President of Egypt, he changed his attitude towards Israel. He visited the Israeli parliament in Jerusalem and started the most courageous breakthrough in the history of world peace, and this bold act eventually led to the Camp David agreement.
Sadat used his independent consciousness, imagination and conscience for self-leading, rewriting his own "life script," affecting the lives of millions of people.
When the "life script" that we attacked violates our life goals, we can use our imagination and creativity to write a new script, which will be more in line with our inner values.
You can rule out unsuitable external values and other constraints, thereby establishing your own values and direction, and being responsible for life, to rewrite your life script and make your life truly meet your wishes.
Personal mission statement
Everyone has special responsibilities or missions, and others cannot be replaced by others. There is only one life, so the chance of achieving the goal of life is only one time ... In the final analysis, it is not that you ask the meaning of life, but that life is questioning and asking you to answer the meaning of existence. In other words, people must be responsible for their lives.
The most effective way to establish a life vision is to identify your own philosophy or basic beliefs, and then write a personal mission statement. The manifesto should include self-expectations and basic values, which often vary from person to person. For example, I have a friend ’s personal creed as follows:
● Family first.
● Borrow the power of religion.
● Never give up the principle of integrity.
● Don't listen to the opinions of both sides, and don't make rash statements.
● Seek the opinions of others.
● Protect people who are not present.
● Sincere but firm.
● Master a new skill every year.
● Plan tomorrow's work today.
● Pay close attention to the waiting time.
● Be positive and keep humor.
● Life and work are in order.
● Do n’t be afraid of making mistakes — you ’re afraid of not learning.
● Assist subordinates to success.
● Ask more people.
● Cherish now.
For a woman who wants to balance family and career, her sense of mission is different:
● I take care of my career and family because both are important to me.
● Family is a place of peace, harmony and happiness. I want to use wisdom to create a clean and warm environment, and teach my children to be caring, enterprising and full of joy, and cultivate their talents.
● Treasure the rights and freedoms of a democratic society and fulfill the responsibilities of one member of society.
● Proactively pursue life goals.
● Avoid developing bad habits and constantly improve yourself.
● Money is a human slave rather than a master. I want to pursue economic independence, live within my means, and save or invest part of my income regularly.
● I would like to contribute money and talent to improve the lives of others.
The personal mission statement is the fundamental method of doing things, like the constitution of a country. No matter how volatile the world is and how difficult the environment is, it remains unmoved.
Only those who hold the constant truth in their hearts can stand in a turbulent environment. Because a person's resilience depends on his constant belief in self, goals and values. After establishing our personal mission, we do not have to resort to prejudice or prejudice to face changes, so that we can maintain a sense of security.
If you want to establish your personal mission, you must start from the core of the circle of influence, because this is the foundation of all ideas and concepts, and it is also the source of security, direction of life, wisdom and power.
What is the center of your life? By spouse, family, work, fame and fortune, money, friends or enemies, ego, religion, etc.
About Enjoy
Malcolm Muggeridge wrote in A Twentieth-Century Testimony:
The thing that touched me the most when I recalled my old life was that things that seemed very important and very attractive at that time are now trivial and ridiculous.
Focus on principle
The so-called correct center of gravity is to rely on principles.
The principle is constant and lasting, unlike other people or things whose center of gravity depends on fickleness. So the principle is trustworthy, and it can increase the sense of security. At the same time, it is rational rather than emotional, and it can give you the confidence of "though there are thousands of people, I will go forward".
Your spouse may divorce you, and even a close friend may leave you. But principles help people overcome obstacles and overcome life, and teach people to be in good conditions without getting lost. Principle makes people calmly display their wisdom and make correct judgments; it makes us move forward without being moved by external forces.
Taking principles as the center of gravity in life can be said to be a combination of other centers of gravity.
Now suppose you have bought a ticket and plan to go to the concert with your wife (or husband) at night. The other party is excited and full of anticipation. But suddenly the boss wants you to work overtime at night because there is an important meeting the next day.
● For people who value family or spouse, of course, priority is given to spouse's feelings. Then you are likely to gently reject the boss, so as not to disappoint your spouse. Even if he stays overtime in order to keep his job, he must be very reluctant. On the one hand, he still has to try to calm down his spouse's disappointment and dissatisfaction.
● As for people who are supreme to money, they pay more attention to overtime pay, or consider that overtime work can make the boss look at each other when adjusting salary. You will tell your spouse that you want to work overtime, and you will take it for granted that the other party should understand, because economic needs exceed everything.
● For workaholics, working overtime is just a matter of thinking. Because it can increase experience and have more opportunities for performance, which is conducive to promotion. Therefore, regardless of whether it is necessary, the overtime hours are automatically extended, and the spouse must be proud of it, and it will not be a big deal for the appointment.
● People who are greedy for fame and fortune are excited about the increased purchasing power of overtime pay, or think that overtime is very helpful to their personal image, which can win the reputation of sacrifice for work.
● People who value enjoyment, even if the spouse does not mind him working overtime, he will leave his work and go to the concert, because he feels that he should comfort himself.
● People who value friends make decisions based on whether they have friends with them or whether other work partners also stay to work overtime.
● People who think of the enemy will be happy to stay, because this may be a good opportunity to attack their opponents. Working hard while the other party is wandering around is enough to prove that your contribution to the company is even better.
● People who are passionate about religion will judge whether the people who work overtime together believe in the same religion, or whether the music played in the concert is religious music, etc., to decide the choice.
● Self-centered people only care about overtime or going to concerts, which is more beneficial to individuals.
● But the principle-oriented person will maintain a calm and objective attitude, and will not be disturbed by emotions or other factors. Then consider it from a holistic perspective — including work needs, family needs, other relevant factors, and the possible consequences of different decisions — and make the right choice after careful consideration.
No matter whether you choose to go to a concert or work overtime in the end, it is not surprising, because people who have other focuses of life are also alternatives, but the choices made by people who basically have principles have the following characteristics:
First, this is an active rather than a passive decision.
Second, this is the conclusion obtained after overall consideration, not impulsive.
Third, decisions based on principles can enhance the value of self. Deciding to work overtime in retaliation for others is the same as working overtime for the benefit of the enterprise. Although the result is the same, the meaning is quite different.
In addition, if you have established a good relationship with your boss and wife, it is not difficult to explain to them the reason for such a decision, and you will also be considerate. So that you can feel at ease and worry about nothing.
All in all, people who take principles as the center of their lives have extraordinary insights, and their thoughts and behaviors are also unique. Because of its solid internality, the high degree of security, direction of life, wisdom and power it has acquired enable it to enjoy a proactive and fulfilling life.