How to make yourself strong
The author is often judged by colleagues as having a strong heart, and has to be humble and vainly admitted. After thinking about it seriously, I feel that the author is quite high in self-defeating, so let's discuss this topic now.
control
There is a widely circulated one of self-psychological guidance. I believe most people have heard it: pay attention to what is controllable by oneself, and accept what is uncontrollable .
If the focus is shifted to the uncontrollable part, the most direct feeling will be: I cannot interfere with the result of this matter. Obviously, this is a denial of self, denial of self-worth. But in life, personal abilities are actually very limited. The ability to intervene in successful events is almost only a part of the personal field or work. The long-term focus is on this part, and generally there is no good end.
To give a negative example: blame the party for being poor, and blame the society for life, then go on being poor.
Then we put the perspective in the first half of the sentence. Focus on what you can control.
Let me talk about control first. The sense of control is actually a very important thing. Many companies have project management mechanisms and project management systems. Sometimes from a practical point of view, they are very general, but why do all large companies have it? Because the large company system is huge and the feedback chain is too long, the boss can't know the specific situation quickly when going on a project. If you are the boss, do you also want to have a system. At a glance, what is the progress of the company's various lines? This is the sense of control. A sense of control makes you feel that you have the ability to intervene in the outcome of this matter. When you click on acceleration, the project will speed up, just like driving a car, 80 hours when going downhill, and stepping on the accelerator. It is different, one is active (the control point is inside) and one is passive (the control point is outside).
Focusing on the controllable field will produce the following results:
1 I have a strong sense of control in this field, I am familiar with the rules and logic inside, I am confident, and I can intervene in this event to achieve the goal I want.
2 It can be deduced from 1. I am a capable person. I can achieve my goals through my own efforts. From a psychological point of view, this is called self-efficacy (I CAN I UP).
Self-efficacy refers to: I know myself What kind of results can my actions bring; I have full confidence and motivation to achieve the results I want through actions.
3 It can be deduced from 2 that I have self-worth . This value does not need to satisfy others, but an objective existence (for example, the author thinks IQ is online and does not accept refutation). Through long-term successful practice, I can improve my implicit self. .
Here is another example of lack of self-worth: the
pleasing personality: living in the expectations of others, will be very concerned about the opinions of others, to a large extent, because their value must depend on others to exist.
From the above nonsense, we can see that, in fact, self-efficacy is quite important, which is approximately equal to the invisible evaluation of oneself. Yes, you and I are both actors, and at the same time satisfy the internal and external audiences as much as possible.
The easiest way to improve self-efficacy is to establish positive connections.
Just like when we are learning elementary school mathematics, we should first get 1+1=2, and then gradually increase the difficulty, keeping the difficulty in a position where we can almost reach it, so that we can jump.
Attribution
Talking about so much control, talking about attribution.
Achievement attribution theory has been included in psychology research topics since the 1960s. The most recognized and widely used one is the discovery by Professor Bernard Weiner and his colleagues (1970) when studying achievement motivation: People’s explanations for success and failure It is related to the level of achievement motivation and has an impact on subsequent behaviors. They attributed their success or failure to four reasons: ① level of ability, ② degree of effort, ③ difficulty of task, ④ good or bad luck. And classify them from the two dimensions of stability and source of control; stability refers to whether the factors that the parties believe that affect their success or failure are stable in nature? Is it consistent in the same situation? The source of control refers to the source of the factors that the party considers to affect its success or failure, whether it is the individual's own conditions (internal control) or from the external environment (external control). Among them, the level of ability and the degree of effort belong to internal control. As shown in the table below:
Among them, the source of control affects the degree to which people value the result. For example, if success/failure is attributed to the internal reason of personal ability or effort, then you will be more proud of success and more frustrated when you fail. Due to external reasons such as the difficulty of the task/good luck, the emotional response to success or failure will be very low. Stability affects people's expectations of achievement. If the reasons for success/failure are classified as ability level/task difficulty, this is a relatively stable factor, so when you encounter similar challenges in the future, you will not expect the results to change. Similarly, if you think that your results/failures are due to your effort/good luck, you will expect the results to change the next time you encounter similar problems. This psychological working mechanism is shown in the figure:
things are the same thing, and different attribution methods may have completely different effects on the inner and subsequent development. This is also the most interesting part of psychology. It doesn't matter how things are, what matters is how you/others recognize this fact.
The most ideal way of attribution is that success is attributed to internal control. The stable part means that I am strong in order to continuously succeed in improving self-efficacy. Failure is attributed to internal control. The unstable part means that I am not working hard enough. , Enhance ability and enhance self-efficacy.
society
We try to think of society as a body and people as a cell of society. It is conceivable that you definitely don't want your cells to perform too much beyond expectations. Stability is the first. It will find a way to arrange you in a certain fixed position and tell you: You should do corresponding things at every stage of your life. Earn money, start a family, buy a house, have children, cultivate the next generation...
It will set up small goals for you, let you stare at them, sprint, conquer, and then run to the next small goal. Until you reach the end, your life has also reached the end.
And how to achieve these small goals? This requires you to work hard, work hard, work hard, bear hardships and stand hard work, not afraid to work overtime... So, 996, 9116, 007 were born...
In order to make you more needless in this process, information incentives, entertainment incentives and circle incentives were born.
Information incentives provide you with motivation, so that you will always run in the anxiety of "if you don't work hard, you will be left behind", such as the various titles of the public account (the 35-year-old programmer is crying);
Entertainment incentives provide you with a rest, so that you can be immersed in the pleasure of "someone is serving me" and in the "feedback can" with a simple effort;
Circle incentives provide you with directions, telling you: what kind of person you want to be, what kind of label you must put on, what kind of products you consume, what kind of life you live, and what things you do...
Are these things right? Okay? Does it fit? The answer may be yes, maybe no.
But who will judge this answer? It can only be by yourself.
If you can clearly define which are external indoctrination and which are internal choices, maybe you can already be called inner strong.
reason
I talked about this topic with young people a few days ago. The truth is actually useful, but it's useless. The reason is simple. Even the laws of physics and mathematics have preconditions, and the poison must have a dose to kill. Chinese culture is very broad and profound. For example, if you don't judge heroes by success or failure, you won't judge the heroes. What do you want me to do? Respect the ghosts and gods and stay away, the son does not talk strangely and discusses the gods, so there are no ghosts?
It's very simple. As long as the current state of mind, your work and life, any aspect can generate positive power or relief, then use it to make do with it, if not, then just as fart.
Yes, if I win, I will win and lose. If I lose, I will not judge the hero as success or failure.