Recently, I have studied sociology, and here I summarize my experience and knowledge system to share with you. When many people see self-management, they immediately think of suppressing themselves and controlling their emotions. This is actually only a short-term effect. Not to mention the damage to the body, it will explode at a certain point sooner or later.
Sadness, sadness, sadness, anger and other emotions are the body's instinctive response, it cannot be removed from the body, so it cannot be changed; desire is the original driving force, which can only be achieved but not satisfied, so it cannot be changed either; Everyone has stress. Small stress affects behavior, large stress affects emotions, and even affects personality, causing habitual avoidance, and it cannot be changed either.
How to solve it? The answer is that it can be channeled and managed in six ways:
1. Emotional management
2. Desire management
3. Behavior management
Fourth, stress relief
5. Ability training
6. Efficiency training
1. Emotional management
The core of emotional management : Emotions are the result of a single point, an instinctive reaction that can only be channeled and managed, not suppressed . Why do you say that emotions are the result of a point? For example, when someone greets your mother, you will immediately get emotional, because he scolded you, and you are very concerned about the outcome of this point. And you can't suppress it at this time, because sooner or later it will explode.
Example: I am broken up, is there any way to make me not feel bad? Many people will answer to save. In fact, the recovery was unsuccessful after all. Don’t watch the misinformation in the TV series, because at this time, you will not listen to anything, and even if you reconcile, you will break up. In the end, you still do according to your true thoughts in your heart.
Method: You have to ask yourself: what will this matter eventually develop, what caused you to break up, and then consider whether there are other ways in life, whether there are other things to do. We summarize the above steps as follows:
1. Deduction of results
In life, it's not because of a new relationship that you come out of a lovelorn. It is possible that you will bring your last relationship into a new one. The routine of breaking out of love is: result deduction.
Example: A girl will say, fortunately, I recognize that he is a scumbag, otherwise marriage will be painful in the future.
2. Key point acquisition
Emotions are an instinctive reaction, a one-to-one result, a point-to-point result. When you always pay attention to the emotions brought by a point, you are extreme and blind. At this time, you can't listen to the suggestions given to you by others. If you don't come out, you will find that the problem will never be solved.
Example: When an emotional outburst occurs, attention and attention are focused on that point, but sometimes an event occurs for many reasons.
Method: If you can find some other key points in this matter, when you have multiple points, multiple methods, and multiple thoughts, the problems that arise will be clear and clear, and the emotions will naturally disappear.
3. Benefit analysis
The scariest thing about being emotional is focusing on just one point and then affecting the whole of your life. To do interest analysis, we must first understand the situation. Because it is useless for others to reason with you at this time. Only after you are clear about your own vital interests will your emotions change.
Example: Some people have fallen out of love, why do they come out so quickly? Because he found that there are many other things in life that are beneficial to him.
Method: It is suggested that when emotions come, draw on paper, write the ins and outs of the incident, and do a mind map.
4. Attention shift
Heartless people in life, he likes everything, is interested in everything, and pays attention to everything. If you scold him, he is not angry, he will think that he has a meal next, and can play games, etc. Wait. Turning out the point of emotional outburst and satisfying yourself with new things can manage your emotions.
2. Desire management
Desire is the original drive, it can only be achieved but not satisfied, and it cannot be changed! The essence of the management of desires and practice that Buddhism talks about is: don't talk about what you want, but talk about what you do. For example, monks still have sexual desires, and the way he uses them is to transform, to do other things immediately, such as meditating and so on. How do we manage desire?
1. Immediate excision, not immediately available
There is nothing in the world that you want right away, that you can get right away. This kind of thinking is timely kaca, because what you get right away is going to cost you dearly.
Example: Plastic surgery is the price of face disfigurement. If you want to lose weight immediately, you need to take liposuction and take medicine, so your body will be ruined. If a boy wants money immediately, he will go to the pit to kidnap and steal. Girls will sell their bodies if they want money right away. None of this behavior is right!
2. Steps are set and translated into actions
If you want to achieve a certain goal, to satisfy a certain desire, you need to know what needs to be done at each step, and the most important thing is to do it! to do it! to do it! Important things are said three times. Chicken soup is poisonous because you don't make it, so you think it poisons you.
Example: "Failure is the mother of success", it has a foothold, otherwise everyone will not believe it, what is its foothold? That is to try more, do more, and when you achieve a certain level, you will fail a lot, and you will naturally succeed if you eat a lot and grow in wisdom.
3. Value setting, figure out the situation
Find out what you need to give in order to satisfy a desire, and why you can get it.
Example: Many girls dream of marrying Gao Fushuai, but they don't think about their appearance, character, thinking, ability, etc. which can attract Gao Fushuai for a long time.
Method: People will add a layer of beauty when doing self-positioning. You must look at yourself objectively: your own role, your relationship with each other, your relationship in the eyes of others, your relationship with the surrounding environment, the conditions and resources you have, Your own subjective wishes, etc. are all to be considered.
4. Interest transformation, combining common interests
Find someone to help you, convert your interests, and turn your own interests into everyone's.
Example: If you turn your desires into everyone's desires, this is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence. Whether it can be combined with what others want to create a common desire is a very difficult topic. Unify everyone's goals, desires and dreams, then you are a person worthy of trust.
3. Behavior management
Human behavior is sometimes arbitrary. In this case, why not do it is unclear, and sometimes you will not do it when faced with the right choice. It may be unclear in terms of reason and logic.
Example: Sometimes when I enter the crowd, I don't know what to do, and I act dumb and stupid. High emotional intelligence is not just about speaking, it must match your ability, otherwise you will be a flatterer and a false person. Many times it must be your behavior that is good, and your interpersonal relationship will be good.
1. Locate the target
What I want to do is to be well-documented (with justification), well-behaved (with rules), and well-behaved (with specific plans).
2. Process
The process display must have a clear process, so that others can clearly understand what you are doing, what you want, and what steps you have taken, so that people can figure out how to help you and whether they can help you. With interaction, your social relationship will naturally be good.
3. Results
To have a sense of mission, not to give up halfway. Figure out why you're doing it, what's the benefit of doing it, and what other people think.
4. Interaction
This is the most important point. There must be interaction and behavioral display, because the purpose of behavior is to socialize. Our misunderstanding is that we must produce good results when others have demands . In fact, when you are doing things, when people see your process, that's when their trust in you is the strongest. No matter the outcome is good or bad, it will help. It's better than giving people a bad outcome directly. The result is not the factor that determines the relationship, but the interaction. Don't think about a person's stupidity.
Example: There is a person who works very seriously and works hard, and let others know, you will find that people around you will take the initiative to help him.
Fourth, stress relief
First of all, let's make one thing clear: stress is innate, it exists in everyone, it cannot be eliminated, it can only be channeled. Stress comes from being unable to handle things and being in a hurry. Stress is not an emotion, but it can be turned into an emotion. It is the difficulties, challenges, inner worries, instability, etc. encountered in life, which will produce negative emotions and dark psychology in one's own heart, and feel that others do not respect them. Many people show a fear of taking on stress.
Example: In life, everyone will encounter hypocritical people. They have their own behavior and their own will. Although they have their own set, they cannot resist pressure. They are afraid of being under pressure. A bunch of people go to dinner together, and the hypocritical person is unwilling to eat, and that is unwilling to eat, but you let him decide, and he says whatever, this is because he is afraid of bearing the pressure. For stress relief, we start from the following four aspects:
1. Adjust your goals
Break big goals into smaller ones. For example, first earn him 100 million~
2. Clarify the process
Step-by-step planning, this is actually a process of releasing pressure, and at least you know how to do it, and you have a bottom line.
3. Ask for help
Looking for help, in fact, pressure cannot become motivation, because you are afraid of pressure, how can it become motivation? What really turns your stress into motivation is the outside world, which is the inspiration of others. The effect of self-motivation is actually very weak.
4. Instant Rewards
There must be timely rewards for adjusting the goals. This is the core method to break the pressure. If the goals are not reached, they will be divided into small goals, and they will be the next best thing. There must be timely rewards.
Example: When chasing a girl, the first time you ask for a phone call, the phone call is the reward for the previous action. On the first date, I want to make a second date, and on the second date, I want to hold hands. .
5. Ability training
The core of ability training is to try new goals, new methods, and new environments. This requires not to do a single thing all the time, and to carry out multi-objective management by yourself: do more, absorb more. At this time, you will find that your ability to improve is much faster than a single goal. Try it in multiple steps: Don't keep thinking about one trick to eat all over the world. Furthermore, multi-conditional selection: multi-choice, multi-judgment, and trial-and-error. The training of ability is result-oriented: only the results will accumulate.
Example: When I was in school, students with poor studies were unable to solve many problems. At this time, there was no result, and then they stimulated their emotions, and finally they got worse and worse. In fact, ability is accumulated by results. The quality of the results will have a Matthew effect on a person, that is, the better the better, the worse the worse.
Approach: A few things to think about: what else can be done besides this? Is there only one way? What if...? In the end, it has to be done, and the results come out.
6. Efficiency training
Efficiency is the catalyst that transforms everything. The core of efficiency is the success rate, which can output a good result. Efficiency is not about fast or slow, more or less work per unit time, and it has nothing to do with quality, but it has something to do with them together.
Example: Maybe you do it very slowly, but you get it all at once, which is also efficient. Maybe you do it fast, but the error rate is high, which is not efficient. Success is impossible without efficiency. And the behavior that does not guarantee the result is definitely inefficient. A negative example of efficiency: a hammer in the east and a stick in the west, always doing things in the opposite direction.
1. Have a clear goal planning system
This is very important, and sometimes you will find that what you are doing is completely different from what you want. For example, you want a lot of money, but a lot of people will do this wrong.
2. Have a specific time plan
Sometimes you find that you are doing things wrong because you put your experience at a certain point, and you may not consider the needs of the whole. At this time, you will always be careful not to let yourself be biased when you add a time limit.
3. Have clear key nodes
In life, we can't distinguish the priority from the priority, which will lead to confusion and no results. Having clear key nodes will allow you to control the overall situation, not panic and avoid stress.
4. Have clear resource requirements
There are many people in the process of doing things only to find out that there is no such thing, and there is no such thing, and then they choose a lower-level resource, or simply change their position and goals, which deviates from the original intention.
This article is only about high probability events. There are still a small number of people who counterattack in life. Please don’t take an example to attack me~ I am also an ordinary person, and I may not be able to do everything in the article. The purpose of studying sociology is to It’s all about being able to live a better life, so if you have a different view on life, just watch it and be happy~ In addition, the illustrations in this article are all taken by me. Interested friends can add me on WeChat to discuss and discuss with each other. .
