What Is Assertiveness?
It's not always easy to identify truly assertive behavior. This is because there's a fine line between assertiveness and aggression, and people can often confuse the two. For this reason, it's useful to define the two behaviors so that we can clearly separate them:
Assertiveness is based on balance. It requires being forthright about your wants and needs, while still considering the rights, needs and wants of others. When you're assertive, you are self assured and draw power from this to get your point across firmly, fairly and with empathy.
Aggressive behavior is based on winning. You do what is in your own best interest without regard for the rights, needs, feelings, or desires of other people. When you're aggressive, the power you use is selfish. You may come across as pushy or even bullying. You take what you want, often without asking.
So, a boss who places a pile of work on your desk the afternoon before you go on vacation, and demands that it gets done straight away, is being aggressive. The work needs to be done but, by dumping it on you at an inappropriate time, he or she disregards your needs and feelings.
When you, on the other hand, inform your boss that the work will be done but only after you return from vacation, you hit the sweet spot between passivity (not being assertive enough) and aggression (being hostile, angry or rude). You assert your own rights while recognizing your boss's need to get the job done.
Warning:
Assertive behavior may not be appropriate in all workplaces. Some organizational and national cultures may prefer people to be passive and may view assertive behavior as rude or even offensive.
Research has also suggested that gender can have a bearing on how assertive behavior is perceived, with men more likely to be rewarded for being assertive than women. So, it pays to consider the context in which you work before you start changing your behavior.
The Benefits of Being Assertive
One of the main benefits of being assertive is that it can help you to become more self-confident, as you gain a better understanding of who you are and the value that you offer.
Assertiveness provides several other benefits that can help you both in your workplace and in other areas of your life. In general, assertive people:
Make great managers. They get things done by treating people with fairness and respect, and are treated by others the same way in return. This means that they are often well-liked and seen as leaders that people want to work with.
Negotiate successful "win-win" solutions. They are able to recognize the value of their opponent's position and can quickly find common ground with him.
Are better doers and problem solvers. They feel empowered to do whatever it takes to find the best solution to the problems that they encounter.
Are less anxious and stressed. They are self-assured and don't feel threatened or victimized when things don't go as planned or as expected.
Tip:
The LADDER mnemonic is an effective way of assertively resolving problems. You can read about it in our Bite-Sized Training™ session on Assertiveness, here.
How to Become More Assertive
It's not easy to become more assertive, but it is possible. So, if your disposition tends to be more passive or aggressive, then it's a good idea to work on the following areas to help you to get the balance right:
1. Value Yourself and Your Rights
To be more assertive, you need to gain a good understanding of yourself , as well as a strong belief in your inherent value and your value to your organization and team.
This self-belief is the basis of self-confidence and assertive behavior. It will help you to recognize that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, give you the confidence to stick up for your rights and protect them, and remain true to yourself , your wants and your needs.
Tip:
While self-confidence is an important aspect of assertiveness, it's crucial that you make sure that it doesn't develop into a sense of self-importance. Your rights, thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires are just as important as everyone else's, but not more important than anyone else's.
什么是自信？
确定真正的自信行为并不总是容易的。这是因为在自信和侵略之间有很好的界线, 人们常常会混淆这两者。因此, 定义这两种行为是很有用的, 这样我们就可以清楚地区分它们:
自信是以平衡为基础的。它需要对你的需要和需求直言不讳, 同时还要考虑他人的权利、需要和希望。当你有主见的时候, 你是自信的, 从中汲取力量, 让你的观点坚定、公正和充满同情心。
进取的行为是以胜利为基础的。你做什么是你自己的最佳利益, 而不考虑其他人的权利, 需要, 感情或愿望。当你有侵略性的时候, 你使用的力量是自私的。你可能会遇到咄咄逼人甚至欺负。你拿你想要的, 常常不问。
所以, 在你去度假之前的下午, 一个老板把一堆工作放在你的办公桌上, 并要求它马上完成, 这是积极进取的。这项工作需要做, 但是, 在不适当的时候向你倾销, 他或她忽视了你的需要和感受。
另一方面, 当你告诉你的老板这项工作将会完成, 但只有在你休假回来后, 你才会在被动 (不够自信) 和侵略 (敌意、愤怒或粗鲁) 之间达到一个甜蜜的位置。当你承认你的老板需要完成工作的时候, 你就会断言自己的权利。
警告：
在所有工作场所, 自信的行为可能不合适。一些组织和民族文化可能更倾向于让人被动, 并可能认为主张行为粗鲁甚至冒犯。
研究还表明, 性别对如何看待自信行为有影响, 男性比女性更有可能得到奖励。所以, 在你开始改变你的行为之前, 考虑一下你的工作环境是有好处的。
自信的好处
自信的主要好处之一是它可以帮助你变得更加自信, 因为你能更好地理解你是谁以及你提供的价值。
自信提供了一些其他的好处, 可以帮助你在你的工作场所和其他领域的生活。一般来说, 自信的人:
成为伟大的经理人。他们通过公平和尊重对待人来完成事情, 并以同样的方式对待他人。这意味着他们经常被人喜欢, 被看作是人们希望与之共事的领导者。
协商成功 "双赢 " 解决方案。他们能够识别对手的位置的价值, 并能迅速找到共同点与他。
是更好的实干家和问题解决。他们觉得有权尽一切所能找到解决问题的最佳办法。
更少焦虑和压力。他们是自信的, 当事情不按计划或预期进行时, 不要感到威胁或受害。
提示：
阶梯助记符是果断解决问题的有效方法。你可以在我们的咬大小的 Training™会议上读到关于自信, 这里。
如何变得更加自信
变得更加自信并不容易, 但这是可能的。所以, 如果你的性格倾向于被动或咄咄逼人, 那么在以下方面工作是一个好主意, 以帮助你获得平衡权:
1. 珍视自己和你的权利
更有主见的是, 你需要对自己有一个很好的理解, 以及对自己的内在价值和对组织和团队价值的坚定信念。
这种自我信念是自信和自信行为的基础。这将帮助你认识到, 你应该得到尊严和尊重, 让你有信心捍卫你的权利和保护他们, 并保持真实的你自己, 你的愿望和你的需要。
提示：
自信是自信的一个重要方面, 但重要的是你要确保它不会发展成一种自我重要性的感觉。你的权利、思想、感情、需求和欲望和其他人一样重要, 但并不比别人更重要。
2. Voice Your Needs and Wants Confidently
If you're going to perform to your full potential then you need to make sure that your priorities – your needs and wants – are met.
Don't wait for someone else to recognize what you need. You might wait forever! Take the initiative and start to identify the things that you want now. Then, set goals so that you can achieve them.
Once you've done this, you can tell your boss or your colleague exactly what it is that you need from them to help you to achieve these goals in a clear and confident way. And don't forget to stick to your guns. Even if what you want isn't possible right now, ask (politely) whether you can revisit your request in six months time.
Find ways to make requests that avoid sacrificing others' needs. Remember, you want people to help you, and asking for things in an overly aggressive or pushy way is likely to put them off doing this and may even damage your relationship.
3. Acknowledge That You Can't Control Other People's Behavior
Don't make the mistake of accepting responsibility for how people react to your assertiveness. If they, for example, act angry or resentful toward you, try to avoid reacting to them in the same way.
Remember that you can only control yourself and your own behavior, so do your best to stay calm and measured if things get tense. As long as you are being respectful and not violating someone else's needs, then you have the right to say or do what you want.
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4. Express Yourself in a Positive Way
It's important to say what's on your mind, even when you have a difficult or negative issue to deal with. But you must do it constructively and sensitively.
Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and to confront people who challenge you and/or your rights. You can even allow yourself to be angry! But remember to control your emotions and to stay respectful at all times.
Key Points
Being assertive means finding the right balance between passivity (not assertive enough) and aggression (angry or hostile behavior). It means having a strong sense of yourself and your value, and acknowledging that you deserve to get what you want. And it means standing up for yourself even in the most difficult situations.
What being assertive doesn't mean is acting in your own interest without considering other people's rights, feelings, desires, or needs – that is aggression.
You can learn to be more assertive over time by identifying your needs and wants, expressing them in a positive way, and learning to say "no" when you need to. You can also use assertive communication techniques to help you to communicate your thoughts and feelings firmly and directly.
It likely won't happen overnight but, by practising these techniques regularly, you will slowly build up the confidence and self-belief that you need to become assertive. You'll also likely find that you become more productive, efficient and respected, too.
.呼唤你的需求, 自信地想要
如果你要发挥你的全部潜能, 那么你需要确保你的优先事项-你的需求和需要-得到满足。
不要等到别人知道你需要什么。你可以等一辈子!采取主动, 开始确定你现在想要的东西。然后, 设定目标, 以便你能实现它们。
一旦你做到了这一点, 你可以告诉你的老板或你的同事, 你到底需要什么, 以帮助你以明确和自信的方式实现这些目标。别忘了坚持你的枪即使你现在想要的是不可能的, 请 (礼貌地) 问你是否可以在六月内重新访问你的请求。
找到避免牺牲他人需求的请求的方法。记住, 你希望人们帮助你, 并以过分进取或咄咄逼人的方式要求事情, 可能会使他们不这样做, 甚至可能损害你的关系。
3. 承认你不能控制别人的行为
不要犯错误, 接受别人对你的自信反应的责任。例如, 如果他们对你表现出愤怒或怨恨, 尽量避免以同样的方式对他们做出反应。
记住, 你只能控制自己和自己的行为, 所以你最好保持冷静和衡量, 如果事情变得紧张。只要你是尊重和不违反别人的需要, 那么你有权说或做你想要的。
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发现4。以积极的方式表达自己
重要的是要说出你的想法, 即使你有一个困难或消极的问题要处理。但是你必须要有建设性和敏感的态度。
不要害怕站起来为自己和面对挑战你和/或你的权利的人。你甚至可以让自己生气!但记住要控制你的情绪和保持尊重在任何时候
要点
自信意味着在被动 (不够自信) 和侵略 (愤怒或敌意行为) 之间找到正确的平衡。它意味着对你自己和你的价值有强烈的感觉, 并承认你应该得到你想要的东西。这意味着即使在最困难的情况下也要为自己站起来。
自信并不意味着在你自己的利益中行事, 而不考虑他人的权利、感情、欲望或需要--那就是侵略。
随着时间的推移, 你可以通过确定你的需求和想要, 以积极的方式表达他们, 并在需要的时候学会说 "不", 从而学会更加自信。你也可以使用自信的沟通技巧来帮助你坚定而直接地传达你的想法和感受。
它可能不会在一夜之间发生, 但是, 通过经常练习这些技巧, 你将慢慢建立自信和自信, 你需要变得自信。你也可能会发现你变得更有生产力, 更有效率和尊重。
不要等到别人知道你需要什么。你可以等一辈子!采取主动, 开始确定你现在想要的东西。然后, 设定目标, 以便你能实现它们。
一旦你做到了这一点, 你可以告诉你的老板或你的同事, 你到底需要什么, 以帮助你以明确和自信的方式实现这些目标。别忘了坚持你的枪即使你现在想要的是不可能的, 请 (礼貌地) 问你是否可以在六月内重新访问你的请求。
找到避免牺牲他人需求的请求的方法。记住, 你希望人们帮助你, 并以过分进取或咄咄逼人的方式要求事情, 可能会使他们不这样做, 甚至可能损害你的关系。
3. 承认你不能控制别人的行为
不要犯错误, 接受别人对你的自信反应的责任。例如, 如果他们对你表现出愤怒或怨恨, 尽量避免以同样的方式对他们做出反应。
记住, 你只能控制自己和自己的行为, 所以你最好保持冷静和衡量, 如果事情变得紧张。只要你是尊重和不违反别人的需要, 那么你有权说或做你想要的。
如何指导工具包提供
免费的, 当你加入心灵工具俱乐部午夜前, PST 6月21日。
发现4。以积极的方式表达自己
重要的是要说出你的想法, 即使你有一个困难或消极的问题要处理。但是你必须要有建设性和敏感的态度。
不要害怕站起来为自己和面对挑战你和/或你的权利的人。你甚至可以让自己生气!但是记住要控制你的情绪, 时刻保持尊重。