Step 1 recognize emotions
Whenever something happens that you don't want to happen, or someone you don't want to see, pay attention to your emotions, just pay attention. That's the first step in management—you know, what it was like.
Step 2 control expression
Learn to control your expressions, your body movements, and your voice, including intonation and tone.
When you are angry, under normal circumstances, the expression and language are synchronized, and you stare angrily at the person who angered you while scolding him. But right now, you're going to try to act angry first, and then say you're angry after 3 seconds. These 3 seconds require you to control with self-control. Not too hard to do, right? You only need a 3 second delay. "
Not only do not speak, you also try to delay your expression for 3 seconds. In these 3 seconds, you have to do one thing: you mentally say exactly how you feel, such as 'he makes me feel angry', or 'I'm in a bad mood and his criticism makes me feel worse'. This is a kind of confession. Although it is a confession to oneself, it can also reduce impulsive emotions through confession. Then, you try to express yourself in a way that doesn't attack the other person. You don't need to suppress expression because it's one of the least effective strategies for emotion regulation. "
Step 3 Emotion regulation
Events that stimulate you → your cognitions → your emotional responses → self-debate → new emotions
For example, Charlene looked at you with disdain again, which is an "event that stimulates you";
You feel that this proud and arrogant woman looks down on you, this is "your cognition";
You are angry and stare at her angrily, which is your "emotional response".
Next, you can engage in a "self-debate": "She's an arrogant woman, it's normal for her to act that way, and it's not my fault. Also, if I'm someone worthy of liking, it doesn't matter what she thinks of me. If I don't Lovely, the way she looks at me is a reminder to me..."
Then, you become calm and look at her with no hostility. This is your "new emotion".
If you practice emotional management hard, the whole process takes two to three months, and you may find that not only can you maintain a calm mood every day, you will no longer be often angry and anxious, but your whole attitude will become positive. Also a lot friendlier. Emotional management is then successful.