As for the traditional Chinese morality in the past, the so-called "male marriage and female marriage" must be ordered by the parents and must listen to the words of the matchmaker. Of course, emotional marriages that are not understood by oneself will inevitably end very rarely; however, like a game How can such love last forever?
There is a metaphor that says, "Which boy is not affectionate? Which girl is unloving?" A young man who has no experience in the world may find it pleasing to the eye when he meets a person of the opposite sex, or if he glances at it twice, or after a few conversations, he finds it very pleasing to the eye. It is already considered that this is the ideal object. Of course, in the later days, when he sees another woman, he thinks it is better than this, and he will change it. So, how can love like games and hide-and-seek have good results?
For a girl from a good family background, the people she associates with may be boys with a higher social level, but for ordinary girls, she may not be able to make friends who are truly promising and guarded. Good result.
However, when we watch young men and women in society, we always feel that they should respect each other and maintain a certain distance between men and women. You should often meet in groups. In groups, you should gradually get to know each other’s personality, thoughts, behaviors, decency, etc. You can’t get along one-on-one right away; , when he encounters an opportunity to choose, he abandons the other party without hesitation, causing emotional confusion and infidelity. This is a personal loss and a corruption of the social atmosphere.
Some people say that the marriage of Westerners is a farce, and the union of men and women in the East is a farce. Therefore, we will make some opinions from the standpoint of the relationship between young men and women today.
The first point is that ordinary friends do not need to do net worth investigation. Everyone is "a gentleman's friend, who is as plain as water", and plainness is the way to stability. If you want to make friends, you must first have some understanding of his family background, some understanding of his past friendships, and the ability to live, because in the future, when two people live together, they must have the ability to live. The most important thing is to have common beliefs, common language, common character, and common living habits.
You can't even get along too closely, for example, among classmates, colleagues, or in the same club, three or five people are interacting at the same time. Be very calm, think deeply about the future, and most importantly, you must have no regrets and be willing to have a deep emotional relationship.
The second point is that in the past, when men and women got married, they all paid attention to the "right match". In fact, it is not necessary to be the same family, but the union of men and women will live together in the future, and people's life is only a few decades. It must be very dangerous if they cannot understand each other, cannot understand each other, and cannot trust each other. Therefore, the contacts between men and women, the character of each other, and mutual trust and tolerance, must be carefully thought through before deciding on lifelong events.
The third point is that in Chinese society, men have a lot of space in their emotions, while women's emotions are a relatively narrow path. Although women in today's society do not have to have the concept of "establishing a chastity archway" like chastity women in the past, they also cannot casually and inadvertently interact with men. This will cause great regret for their future life. The so-called "don't forget the past and teach the future", you might as well use the experience and lessons of some people in the past as your own reference.
In short, having no ideals about the future, unwilling to take responsibility, being very casual about relationships, profligate about the economy, and ignorant of promises, whether it is a man or a woman, are serious obstacles to bonding. Only relying on love letters, or even the popular emails and text messages in today's society, is a very dangerous thing. No matter how well written, it cannot express a person's true life character. It is impossible to know each other's true personalities by relying on the Internet alone. It is better to have a practical relationship.
We also often see reports in the news that originally a man and a woman were in love with each other, but after getting married, they separated again because of the color of their clothes, the use of toothpaste and toothbrushes, and the use of tea and meals, because of different habits and different times. It’s a pity.
If men have chauvinism, or tendencies to violence, women must not be accommodated. Ladies are coquettish or nagging at everyone, and they are too critical, and boys can't help but stay away. Before getting married, you should see each other clearly with two eyes; if you want to get married, you must see each other with one eye, like a carpenter hanging a thread, to see each other's character more clearly; because after marriage, you will not Need to look again.
Men and women on the verge of marriage have experienced many exchanges. No matter whether they are men or women, if they feel that the other party's personality is not compatible, they should brake as soon as possible. Even after leaving, you have to bless each other. This is the most beautiful separation.
For some men and women who are suffering from broken love, I also wrote a little poem for them in the past:
"There are thousands of stars in the sky,
There are more people on earth than stars,
what a fool,
Why is the pain and trouble only for him? "
在我们当今的社会，男人结婚、离婚、再结婚，都视为平常，但是女性比较吃亏，应该只有一次的机会。一般女方看男方，都是先看他长得是否很帅，男方看女方，也都是先看她是不是生得美丽，这都是错误的，因为男女结合以后，或帅、或美都不重要，要能彼此共同生活才是重要。
两人要共同生活，男人就要对家庭负责，女人要对家务负责，各有所长，彼此要合作、包容、谅解。尤其，情欲是一时的，情爱是一生的，要结婚的男女，彼此对感情要忠贞，这是第一要素。
青年男女恋爱、结婚、离婚、再婚，只要合法，佛教都可以承认，但是邪淫、婚外情，则是佛教所不能同意的。所以，信仰佛教的男女，应该要共同遵守三皈五戒，彼此都能信守信仰，在感情上，也比较真诚稳固。
我有一个信徒，拥有一对漂亮的儿女，我经常赞叹他们是「金童玉女」，但是三十多岁了，都还没有结婚。我就对他的家长说：「怎么不给他们结婚呢？」他说：「师父，你不知道啊！现在俊男美女很难找到对象。」我初听，感到很讶异，后来一想，确实也不错，现在的社会，要跟俊男美女结婚，得承担多少的风险、负责多少的代价。
也有很多的女孩子，读书读到硕士、博士了，但结婚也困难了，因为学究型的女性，男人大多不喜欢，男人欢喜的女人是一个伴侣，不是老师、学者。同样的，女性欢喜的则是一个男人，是一个兄长，不是再找一个如严父一般的男性来管教。
曾经，有一个母亲对年届三十的女儿不肯结婚，非常罣念，就来找我。这个母亲说：「师父，既然她不肯结婚，你就劝她出家吧。」我说：「出家不是劝的，要有出家的性格才能出家啊！」
后来，我见到了这一位芳年三十的小姐，就跟她直话直说：「男大当婚，女大当嫁，你怎么不结婚呢？」她回答我说：「现在的男人都没有幽默感。」
这句话让我也增加了一个认识。过去的女孩子要嫁人，都是看对方的体格、家世、财务、职业……种种的条件；但现在不是了，现在的女人要求男人要有幽默感。确实不错！一个家庭里，夫妇双方要能共同制造家庭的和乐，总不能每天板著面孔，视如路人，这个婚姻就难保善终了。
真正要成为夫妻的人，如果你是一个女生，要知道男方看女人，最初是看美丽，之后就是要你贤慧、要你会赞美、要会家务、要会孝亲、要会招呼客人、要会帮助丈夫撑持事业……有这样的层次。所以，作为一个女人，不能不了解婚姻的阶段性。如果你是一个男生，女方会要求你要有家庭观念、要有家庭责任，不只是会赚钱，还要会帮忙家务……。
家庭里面，夫妻、儿女，大家都要平等、和平相处，没有谁大谁小。伦理次序固然应该遵守，但是要用权威、旧有的观念来对待家中的分子，则不能创造美好的家庭啊！
最近有个报导，据闻有一对九十多岁的老夫妻，他们已经携手度过七十年的婚姻生活，举行一个钻石婚姻庆祝会。有记者访问这个老太太：「你是怎么和他厮守七十年的？男方他有缺点吗？」女士说：「我丈夫的缺点比天上的星星还多啊！」记者一听，很为惊讶：「既然那么多缺点，你们为什么又能共处七十年呢？」这位老太太说：「但是他爱家、爱人、负责任，他像太阳一样，当太阳出来的时候，如星星多的缺点就都没有了。」所以，男人要爱家，「爱」是家庭幸福主要的泉源。
佛光山佛陀纪念馆的五和塔，经常为人举行佛化婚礼。我写了一副对联：「你我有缘成眷属，福慧共修庆家园」，其实，男女的婚姻没有教条，甚至法律都不能约束，完全是靠相互的尊重和爱心，来维持感情。
对于世界，大家要有「普爱」的观念，对于家庭的妻儿，要有个别的爱护。所谓「大爱」、「小爱」，都要每个人心中的一把秤来等量，适当最为重要。
历史上，多少的男与女因为感情不会处理，而香消玉殒。其实，司马相如和卓文君的爱情，不也是成为现代人的美谈吗？也有的女性，像杨惠姗在电影《我就这样过了一生》里面饰演的角色，她甘愿为男人抚养前妻所遗留下来的儿女，即使到最后自己也有了儿女，但仍然平等看待。
总之，男女都需要有伟大的情操，都要为对方设想，我爱你，就不能害你；我和你结婚，就是奉献，就是牺牲，就是心甘情愿，夫妻彼此都要有同等的观念，才能有未来美好的家庭。
说到青年的感情交往，天下的父母也没有不关心的。不过，我想可以关心儿女的感情处理，也可以引导他向正当的途径行走，但不要太过分的压制、干涉，因为青年男女相爱结婚，毕竟不是父母能了解、能去认可的。所以，父母还是要带着尊重的态度。
有一个信徒的女儿从美国留学回来，我说：「你的小姐已经从美国大学毕业回来了，可以给她结婚了。」她说：「师父，才二十二岁，懂得什么爱情？懂得什么结婚？懂得什么夫妻相处？随她去！等她到了二十八岁的时候，我再来问她结婚的事情。」要给女儿那么长的时间，让她对社会、对爱情有深刻的了解，才会知道如何找一个终身的伴侣。我觉得这样的母亲不但开明，也真是很有雅量的。
像有的中国女性，嫁给非洲的黑人男士，也有中国的男性，讨了黑人小姐为妻，只要他们幸福，父母也不必为了家门里面多了一个不同种族的亲人，而认为这是大不了的事情。现在的世界，什么都是平行的，你可以坐飞机旅行世界各国，世界各国的人士为什么就不可以情投意合呢？这也是我的一个感想。
我们都希望天下有情人成为美好的眷属，但是一段美好的爱情，要成为一个美好的婚姻，要有真正的认知、信赖、缘分、宽谅；一个美好的家庭，需要有很多的因缘来帮助成就，才有祥和圆满的幸福。