Reprinted from: http://www.iteye.com/topic/941110
Some people may say: Is there anyone who can't talk? In real life, there are indeed some people who are familiar with the road and are very good at conversation, while some people are in an embarrassing situation where there is no one to talk to or anything to talk about. So what should you pay attention to when talking? Dr. Elgin, an expert on language communication in the United States, believes that the following three aspects are very important for successful conversations. Mastering the relevant skills can improve people's ability to talk and achieve good communication results.
Choosing the Right Topic
When people talk, it's usually the person who starts the talk who chooses a topic, around which everyone expresses their opinions, and then moves on to another topic, so choosing the right topic is very important. If the chosen topic is acceptable to everyone, the conversation will flow smoothly. If an inappropriate topic is chosen, it does not interest everyone, and no one responds, the conversation fails. Sometimes you may have the power to force others to sit and listen to you, they may pretend to be listening to you, but you cannot force others to speak. There are mainly the following types of inappropriate topics:
(1) Topics related to the speaker themselves. Some people always talk about their own lives. At first, people may still be interested in listening to them, but after a long time, people lose sight of them. Interested in even avoiding such a talker.
(2) Topics related to taboos, such as marital relations, conflicts between family members, diseases that are unwilling to talk about, etc. For example, some people do not want others to inquire about their source of income or economic status. So it's best not to touch these topics unless the other party takes the initiative to mention them.
(3) Fake topics. Fake topics refer to those topics that cannot be continued. If you start the conversation with "the weather is fine today", there is no response to convenience. If you find that people around you are reluctant to talk to you, check to see if you are having problems choosing topics. Here's how to check it: For a week, jot down as many topics as you can when you're talking to people. If any topic is repeated, record the number of times after the topic. This will give you a list of topics of your choice. Check for topics that come up frequently and ask yourself two questions: If people keep talking to you about this topic, do you want to hear it? If not, why?
Talk in a certain order
People's conversations are carried out in a certain order, not what they want to say, and when they want to say it. During the conversation, the talker and the listener both cooperate with each other to make the conversation go on smoothly. Suppose there are three people A, B, and C talking together. The ideal way of talking is as follows:
1. A starts the speech first. He chooses a topic and talks a few words around it.
2. A makes B continue talking in some way.
3. B took over the conversation and said a few words along the topic selected by A.
4. B chooses C as the next talker.
5. C took over what B said and said a few words along the topic.
6. C chooses A as the next talker.
7. This process continues until everyone feels that there is nothing to say on the subject or that time is running out. During this process everyone has roughly equal opportunity and time to talk, and when one speaks the others can only listen.
8. The last person summarizes the topic selected by A, which indicates that the topic has ended and can lead to another topic. It is by virtue of this rule that the speaker and the listener exchange places that the conversation can proceed smoothly. This kind of rule is like a traffic rule. Even if there is no police command, everyone will abide by the red light stop green light rule, otherwise it will cause traffic jams. Although the rules of conversation are not as obvious as traffic rules, they are strictly followed. According to these rules, the people participating in the conversation can decide to join the conversation or avoid it according to their own needs. If you want to join the conversation, you have to wait for the speaker to stop and take over. It is considered impolite to interrupt someone in the middle. And if you want to pass the conversation on to the next person, there will be a pause to signal that you are done.
There are two bad habits that need to be corrected, one is talking while thinking, and there is an undue pause in the middle of a sentence, so that the obedient person cannot judge whether you have finished speaking. The other is to keep talking, without any pauses, at which point people have to interrupt you. Giving the topic to someone else can be done in a variety of ways, in addition to the pauses mentioned above, including asking a question and assigning someone an opinion. But an important clue to the end of the conversation is eye contact. If the talker makes eye contact with you during the pause, it means that he has chosen you as the next talker. Use the same approach when you're ready to give someone else a say. So if you don't want to join the conversation, don't make eye contact with the person you're talking to. Another situation is that the talker has paused, but has not selected the next talker. At this time, you can choose to continue the conversation. Competition may arise in this case, ie more than two people speaking at the same time, according to the rules mentioned above, someone should give up his rights, leaving only one person to speak. Pay attention to listening to other people talking Oral conversation has many characteristics to be aware of. The spoken words are fleeting and impossible to play backwards like listening to a tape. The two sides of the conversation influence each other, and what we say cannot be completely thought out in advance. We need to revise what we say according to what the previous person said, and our words affect what the two sides will say later. Therefore, it is very important to listen carefully to what others have to say. It is only when we understand what others say that we can respond effectively. Only by listening carefully can we accurately judge whether the other party has finished talking, and can take over the conversation in time, instead of taking the liberty of interrupting others or not responding when we should speak ourselves. Listed below are some bad obedience habits that should be corrected.
①While listening, think or practice what to say when you should speak by yourself.
②While listening and thinking how bad the speaker is, it would be much better to talk to someone else (or yourself).
③ While listening, think about some irrelevant trivial matters.
④Furiously pay attention to every word spoken by the talker in order to get ahead of the conversation as soon as there is a pause.
⑤ Desperately write down every word spoken by the interlocutor. In order to improve your "listening", you can use the TV to practice. Pick a talk show, sit down and listen attentively without taking notes. As soon as you find yourself distracted, go back to the show as soon as possible. Keep practicing until you can keep listening to the hour-and-a-half-long program.