今天整理了一份英文话剧剧本，算是搞笑短剧吧，后面也在其他网页找到相关的话剧视频并贴上了链接，请君欣赏。
剧本
Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）
Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐）is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kingdoms. Zhu Ge Liang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist（军事家）, politician and the symbol of the wisdom（智慧） in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liu Bei, who visited Zhu Ge Liang’s thatched（茅屋顶） cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military（军方） adviser. Finally, Zhu Ge Liang was moved by sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei to establish the Shu Kingdom. He devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness. In this play, we add many modern and funny elements. For example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名无间道), My Own Swordsman（中文名武林外传）,The Flirting Scholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香）were combined in our play. So we present our script to you and wish you will like it.
Aside: Three visits to the cottage Aside: After their swearing brotherhood(友谊) to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the three persons——Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei-had to be janitors（看门人） in Cao Cao’s corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary（有名的） and mysterious character 诸葛亮 who had been forced to attend CET-6（英语六级） test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.
旁白 话说刘关张桃园三结义之后四处奔波，一时间找不到工作，不得不在曹操的公司靠看大门为生。而此时那个传说中的神秘人物诸葛 卧龙先生正专心在家复习考试，因为他的老婆黄氏逼着他参加CET-6。
SCENE 1: Liu Bei’s home
Actors: Liu Bei Guan Yu Zhang Fei
Guan Yu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic（悲惨的） life end? It’s so terrible!
关羽 大哥 咱们都饿了好几天了 这种吃糠咽菜的生活我们要过到什么时候啊 哎
Liu Bei: Yu, it’s impossible that I don’t feel painful, isn’t it? But as the proverb says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive（努力） against the Pope. Now we come down to Cao Cao’s corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. It’s very hard to get work now. No diplomas（毕业文凭） and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?
刘备 二弟 这 大哥我怎么可能不难受嘛 可是常言道人在屋檐下 怎能不低头 我们现在曹操的公司里给人家看大门 这年头工作这么难找 我们三兄弟学历又不高 好不容易能有口饭吃就很不错了 哪还有什么奢求呀
Zhang Fei: Oh, Brother! Zhu Ge Liang’s wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with（对付） his husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it’s time for us to be debt collectors now.
张飞 大哥 对了 上个月后面山头诸葛亮的老婆来问我们借走了500块钱去给她老公交学费去了 都好久没还 我们是不是应该去要回来
Guan Yu: Yeah, Brother! Or we’ll be as poor as church mouse（喝西北风）.
关羽 是啊大哥 不然的话这样下去我们就得喝西北风了
Liu Bei: Alas（哎呀）! How did I forget this? Let’s go! Go~~ go~! Hurry up! Follow me and go to the mountain for dunning（要债）!
刘备 哎 就是 我怎么这岔给忘了 走 走 走 二弟三弟随我这就上山 （收拾家伙 挽袖子）
Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find Zhu Ge Liang
旁白 兄弟三人就此上山
SCENE 2: Zhu Ge Liang’s house
Actors: Zhu Ge Liang’s Wife Zhu Ge Liang
Zhu Ge Liang: Good morning! I am the genius（天才） Zhu Ge Liang. But I feel so morose（抑郁的） recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. What’s CET-6? Do you know? You? (Ask the audience) I’ve never hearted about that. And she obliged me to （对我表示感谢）read so heavy books and do so many texts. It’s ridiculous. My major is military（军事的） advice, not English. Why should I read this?
诸葛亮 大叫好 我就是绝顶聪明的诸葛亮 可我最近却很是郁闷 我那个娘子非要我去参加什么大学英语六级考试 六级考试是个什么东西 我怎么听都没听说过 还要我看这么厚的书 做这么多的题（拿起手里的金瓶梅给大家亮亮） 我以后可是要当军师的！！又不是这个专业的 干嘛还要要看这种书
Wife: Darling!
老婆 相公（远处喊）
Zhu Ge Liang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded （啰嗦的）that I can never bear her.
诸葛亮老婆上（比较啰嗦）
诸葛亮 娘子来了 我娘子啰嗦的像唐僧一样 说起话来我可受不了 快老实看书（装作认真状）
Wife：My dear, how about your study?
老婆 相公 你的书背的怎么样了
Zhu Ge Liang：These books make me want to doze（打盹儿）. I’m dizzy（头晕的）.
诸葛亮 娘子啊 这些书看得我头昏眼花 光想打瞌睡
Wife：Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can’t pass cet6 to get your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Tie Ling.
老婆 哎 相公呀 你有所不知 你看 现在外面竞争这么激烈 你要是不好好考六级 将来拿个硕士文凭 以后找不到工作可怎么办呀 我们在这个小村子里都呆了小半辈子了 你看我连稍微大一点的城市 像铁岭都没去过
Zhu Ge Liang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.
诸葛亮 娘子 你看老公我这么有才华 以后还愁找不到工作么 这些书太简单了 统统不用看 （扔书）
Wife：Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see!
老婆 哼 ！！你说简单 那我考考你
Zhu Ge Liang：A piece of cake（小菜一碟）!
诸葛亮 怎么 还要考我 舌战群儒 我都不怕 小小考试焉能难道我（对观众说）
Wife：Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?
老婆 我要考你听写（诸葛亮郁闷状） 听着 apple怎么写 desk怎么写
Zhu Ge Liang: Sorry I can’t.
诸葛亮（不会 抓耳挠腮）
Wife：You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I’m wrong, I’m really wrong, I’m wrong from the beginning. I shouldn’t marry here. If I did not marry here, I’ll never in this heartrending（使人极度伤心的） place now.
老婆 相公啊 你连这都不会 可怎么办呀 哎呀 我错了 我真的错了 我从一开始就不应该嫁过来 如果我不嫁过来 就不会流落到这么一个伤心的地方 我好后悔呀
Zhu Ge Liang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop! I ‘m going to study hard at once.
诸葛亮崩溃了 （捂耳朵 忙劝）
诸葛亮 娘子莫哭 娘子莫哭 相公好好看书就是
Wife (laugh): That’s the spirit （这还差不多）! Do you know? We are in the red for （负债）your Cet6. I even borrowed money from the gate keeper. What can I do when they dun（要债） for debts.
老婆（马上变脸） 这还差不多 你知道么 为了供你读书 咱们家已经欠了外面一屁股债 连看大门的我都借过 如果这些人上门来逼债我可怎么办呀
Zhu Ge Liang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liu Bei?
诸葛亮 娘子 你说看大门的 ？ 莫非就是那个看大门的刘备 （抓胡子 兴奋 点头）
Wife: Oh! Yes! Come on quickly! Boy!
老婆 正是此人 书童你快过来
Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?
（书童上）
书童 主人 有何吩咐
Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him that boss has went to study in England.
老婆 书童 听着 相公近日温习功课 外人一律不见 来人就说去国外游玩讲学去了
Keeper: Yes! Madam!
书童 遵命
Aside: While it is going on, Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei have come to the gate of Zhu Ge Liang’s house.
旁白 话正说着 刘关张三人已经到了诸葛亮家门口
SCENE3 Outside Zhu Ge Liang’s house
Actors: Liu Bei Guan Yu Zhang Fei Keeper
Zhang Fei: Let me strike the door! Open! Open!!!
(刘关张上)
张飞 大哥我来叫门（气愤 敲门 咚 咚 咚）
Keeper: (Check from the peep hole（猫眼）) Are these men asking for the debt? (Open the door)
书童 （从猫眼里看看 跟张飞头对上 幻灯片配李逵的黑脸 吓一跳）莫非是来讨债的 （思考 开门）
Liu Bei: This is Liu Bei! We are calling on Zhu Ge Liang and his wife.
刘备 在下刘备 特来拜访诸葛 卧龙先生和她老婆
Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.
书童 主人说他不在家
Liu Bei: Huh???
刘关张 恩？？？
Keeper: Oh! No!..I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the exam of CET-6, and he may not be come back this month.
书童 哦 不是 主人 主人 出去游玩了 可能很快回来 也可能十多天不回来
Liu Bei: OK! We are waiting for him here!
刘备 那我们就在这等他
Guan Yu: Nobody knows that when he will come back, thus, let’s go home!
关羽 他那么贪玩 谁知道他什么时候回来 大哥 我们还是走吧
Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhu Ge Liang again. Two months passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. Zhu Ge Liang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is outside.
旁白 三人离去 又过了一个月 已是深秋 三人第二次登门拜访 可是仍然没有见着 第三次已经是冬天 屋外下着鹅毛大雪 诸葛亮知道了刘备上门讨债的事情 趁这会老婆黄氏不在 赶紧命书童前去开门
SCENE4 Outside Zhu Ge Liang’s house
Actors: Liu Bei Guan Yu Zhang Fei Keeper
Zhang Fei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind him up （绑起来） for you. It really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.
刘关张 书童上
张飞 大哥 下次要见诸葛小儿 你先给我老三说一声 我把他绑来见你 如此劳烦哥哥 甚是无礼
Liu Bei: These days, the borrower is the god! Let’s go there again and show our warmest heart to move them. (Knock the door)
刘备 哎 二弟三弟 现在欠钱的都是大爷 我们还是再去一回吧 一定要诚心诚意才能打动人家（抹眼泪 幻灯片放 杨白劳与黄世仁 咚咚敲门）
Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6. Please wait for a moment!
书童 主人今天在家（诸葛亮拿着金瓶梅从身后走过）但是正在看书 请你们等一等
Zhang Fei：Xiao Zhu! Come out! Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle and his third niece（侄女）. Get out, or I will burn your house down!
张飞 （等不及了）诸葛小儿 快出来 大哥二哥 帮我照顾好我七舅老爷他上外甥女。。。。你要是不出来 我就一把火把你这房子烧了！！
Guan Yu: Sunflower press （葵花点穴手）! AI. Little brother, big brother has said several times, We are intellectuals（理智的）, understand? Don’t be so rude, we are here for debt, not for his life. If you will kill him, where is our money?
关羽 葵花点穴手（幻灯片配合 张飞定住 眼睛睁得大大的）哎 二弟呀 大哥说了你几次了 我们是有文化的人 做人要斯文 要低调懂不 别一上来就舞刀弄枪的 我们是来要债的 又不是来要命的 你把人家砍死了 谁来给我们还债呀
Liu Bei: The subprime crisis（次贷危机）is so serious, do not you know that simple reason? If you know, please bat（眨） your eyes!
刘备 二弟呀 现在次贷危机那么严重 怎么这点道理你还不懂呢？ 明白了 你就眨眨眼睛
Zhang Fei (Bat eyes)
张飞（眨眼）
Guan Yu: sunflower press（葵花解穴手）!!!
关羽 葵花解穴手
Zhang Fei: Where did you get this Kong Fu?
张飞 哎 二哥 （耸耸肩）你这点穴是那里学的
Guan Yu: Hehe! I get it from a TV program called “My Own Swordsman（武林外传）”, which is so popular with lots of people in China!
关羽 呵呵 是看了一部很流行的电视剧 武林外传 学的
Zhang Fei: Why not say it earlier? We three brother could run a company of Chinese Kong Fu if we had known that before!
张飞 二哥 你怎么不早说 要早知道你会这么一身手艺 我们三兄弟不如去开个武馆 早就发财啦
Guan Yu: Oh!! That is a good idea!!!
关羽 是呵 这主意不错
Keeper: Don’t interrupt!!! Boss is reading!!!
书童 主人在看书 不可无礼
Liu Bei: Keep quite!!!
刘备 哎呀你们俩就别打岔了 安静点
Aside: at this time, Zhu Ge Liang is exciting, but his wife come back soon
旁白 诸葛亮正在兴奋的时候 老婆黄氏突然回来
SCENE 5: Zhu Ge Liang’s Home
Actors: Zhu Ge Liang wife Liu Bei Zhang Fei Guan Yu
Zhu Ge Liang: Thank goodness, here’s Liu Bei at last. Ha, ha, ha ……….
诸葛亮 刘备 我终于把他给等来了 哈哈
Wife: Oh! Darling! He may come here to ask me to repay（偿还） his money. We can’t let him in.
老婆 哦！！！相公 这准时我们向我们讨债的 可不能让进来
Zhu Ge Liang: My darling, please don’t worry. I can make Liu Bei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue （三寸不烂之舌）.
诸葛亮 老婆大人放心 凭我三寸不烂之舌 定能让刘备空手而归 哈哈
Liu Bei: Mr. Zhu Ge Liang. I have hunted you for a long time!
刘备 卧龙先生 我可找到你了
Zhu: Oh! You are Liu Bei. What can I do for you?
诸葛亮 阁下可是刘备 不知找我所为何事 （装）
（此时刘备用枪指着诸葛亮头 幻灯片放无间道）
Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you repay（偿还） it for me? I have starved for several days.
刘备 哥们儿 你欠我的500块钱什么时候还呀 我们兄弟都饿了好几天了（找个乞丐的幻灯片放放）
Zhu Ge Liang: I owe you $500? who can testify（证明）? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.
诸葛亮 我欠你钱 谁证明 给我一个机会 我想做个好人（无间道台词）
Liu Bei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge.
刘备 怎么给你机会
Zhu: Please look, although having ambition , you are just a guarder .We can enlarge （扩大）our power from this base, and then attack Cao Cao. At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.
诸葛亮 主公请看(扇子指向幻灯片 幻灯片放地图) 刘皇叔胸怀大志 但是现在却在这里看大门 我们就以这里为根据的 先发展自己的势力 然后进攻曹操便可一统天下
Liu Bei: I’m so surprised! I do not know you are so ideal（理想的）.
刘备 （若有所思）看不出诸葛先生如此有见地
Zhu Ge Liang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money?
诸葛亮 如果我把这张地图送给主公 不知可否抵债
Liu Bei: Huh……. You know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new country together with us?
刘备 先生 身居山林 却对天下大事了如指掌 不知先生可否随刘备一同下山 共图霸业
Zhu Ge Liang: But I can’t help you, I have accustomed myself to the life at present.
诸葛亮 （眼珠子转转）可是我已经习惯了现在的生活 看来不能帮你。。。
Liu Bei: If you don’t help me, the citizen will live a harder life, please don’t refuse.
刘备 （急）如果先生不帮我 天下的百姓又要受苦 请先生莫要推辞
Zhu Ge Liang: Huh……sorry, I can’t. Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me to resolve（解决） the problem, I will help you.
诸葛亮 这。。。。这也不是不行。只是家家都有本难念的经，小弟近日正在为英语六级烦恼，贱内逼的紧啊，如果刘皇叔能将此事帮在下了结，在下必随刘皇叔下山，赴汤蹈火再所不辞。
Liu: Huh……
刘备 （面有难色）这。。。。
Zhang Fei: (Pull) Brother, come here. Everything is fake now such as the milk. Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key?
张飞 （拉刘备到身边耳语到）大哥，这年头，牛奶都有假货了，我们找枪手买 答案怎么不行啊。（幻灯片武状元苏乞儿作弊呢段）
Guan Yu: Yes! We can overdraft（透支） our salary from Cao Cao to buy the key at first.
关羽 要不我们让曹操预付我们两个月的工资，先把答案给他买了说。
SCENE 6: Zhu Ge Liang’s Home
Actors: Wife Keeper
Aside: Because the salary has been given to Zhu Ge Liang to buy the key, Liu Bei Guan Yu Zhang Fei have been starving for one month.
旁白 一个月后，因为所有的钱都拿去买了答案 刘关张已饿的面黄肌瘦，破衣烂衫。
Keeper：（Happy）Sir , you are really a god . CET6 has got 600 scores. Be really to startle（使 惊跳） the universe and move the gods.
书童 好消息 好消息 主人六级考了600分
Wife：What happened? 600 scores? Oh! Do not shoulder your several years studying at a cold window; Do not shoulder my night holding candle accompanying you. After your Master graduates, happy life will approach. Cars, house，money!,
老婆 什么！！600分！！这下终于可以毕业了 太好了 不负我十年寒窗苦，不负我夜夜伴君读 我的美好生活就要来了 房子！车子！！钞票！！！
SCENE 7: Outside Zhu Ge Liang’s house Aside:
Actors: Zhu Ge Liang Wife Liu Bei Guan Yu Zhang Fei
After receiving the master degree, Zhu Ge Liang will go to work with Liu Bei to establish a new Kingdom. So the couples apart.
Wife：Honey!
Zhu Ge Liang：Darling!
Wife：Excellent man should have a long-range ambition. You should put cause（事业） above everything else , are sure not to miss me.
老婆 老公 好男儿以事业为重 你去吧 不要想我。。
Zhu Ge Liang：I will have a long journey. Please take care of yourself. (Turn around) Don’t worried, never miss you!!(Run)
Zhu Ge Liang：(To Liu Bei)Your Majesty（陛下）, I will never forget your favour. I should be loyal（忠诚的） and devoted to the last.
诸葛亮 亲爱的 我要远行了 你要照顾好自己（转身悄悄说）别担心 肯定不想你！！（出门拜倒在久侯的刘备 关羽 张飞脚下） 主公 您的大恩亮永世难忘 定当鞠躬尽瘁死而后已
Liu Bei Guan Yu Zhang Fei: Let’ go!!!
快快请起！！
Aside: The three men go down to the hill. That is the end of the whole story.
旁白 三顾茅庐的故事就此完结。
Thank you for your attention.
结束 谢谢观赏 （结束时 放 猫和老鼠的结尾）
视频
- 【毁三观向】听说你们不喜欢中文配音？！
https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV12x411K7Y8?from=search&seid=10993926941418843545 - 英语话剧—三顾茅庐
https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1ps411Y7ix?from=search&seid=16293210368007620339 - 英语话剧版——三顾茅庐
https://www.iqiyi.com/w_19rufu5t4x.html
写于关雎
新浪微博：https://weibo.com/tianzhejia
CSDN博客：https://blog.csdn.net/qq_35605018
博客网站：http://www.zhijiadeboke.xyz
GitHub：https://github.com/ZhijiaTian
QQ邮箱：[email protected]
126邮箱：[email protected]
Outlook邮箱：[email protected]
以上均可与本人取得联系，欢迎探讨。^ v ^