One day, I was browsing in Sisyphe with my senior brother, and saw this book by Tuo Buhua: "Methods of Communication". For me, there are indeed many communication problems. So I quickly started to read it. During the reading process, I recorded some valuable points and took the right to make reading notes.
The Beginning of Communication: Listening
The starting point of communication is listening. The "Qing" here refers to pouring out the nest, pouring out the boxes, pouring out all the power, and it means going all out. Only by listening with all our strength, can we hear the other party's true intentions and identify those potential needs that the other party may not say; at the same time, only by letting the other party see that we have listened with all our strength, can we Responses to them are accepted amicably.
listen to three questions
- When listening to others, how do you grasp the key points of information?
- Can you distinguish between emotions, facts, and expectations conveyed by the speaker? What's the difference?
- Recollection: When the leader assigned me a task, how did I talk?
Listening Method: Structured Listening
After receiving the information conveyed by the other party, you should habitually draw three boxes in your mind and place three things respectively:
(1) The emotion of the communication object
- Emotions are the external expression of our inner feelings. We need to recognize the hidden emotions in the other party's language while listening, and distinguish what is fact and what is emotion.
- Emotional signpost words : including "always", "always", "every time", "often", "forever", etc., indicating that the other party is not stating facts, but venting emotions. What you have to do at this time is not to debate the truth with him, but to appease his emotions. Only by lowering the bad emotions first, can the two parties have a basis for communication.
(2) Facts
- What is a fact: Contrary to emotions, we only say it is a fact when we express something that is not affected by subjective judgments, verifiable, and traceable.
- How to judge which is the truth from a pile of information? We can use the method of journalists to verify facts, and verify the following elements in the description of the other party: who (person), when (time), where (place), what (event). If these 4 Ws can be used to restore the actual scene, then there is a high probability that what the other party said is true. On the contrary, if these elements are not detailed, but only start from subjective inferences such as "I think", "I judge", and "I think", then the statements we hear are likely to be not facts.
(3) Expectations
- What is anticipation: it is to find what the other party really wants. On the basis of understanding emotions and facts, combine the two to judge the other party's expectations.
- Steps in Communication: Put in facts, emotions, and expectations.
The method of listening when the amount of information is low: reverse narrative
In some cases, the other party only said one or two sentences, the information conveyed was very limited, and it was difficult to discern the true Yitu in his heart. At this time, we have to use the reverse narrative to dig out more information.
- The so-called reverse narrative is to re-describe the information obtained from the previous structured listening according to the logic of one's own understanding, and ask the other party to confirm.
- Through the process of reverse narration, both parties have the opportunity to fully understand each other's information and better understand each other's intentions.
Direction narrative can follow these three steps:
(1) Step 1: Respond to emotions
- This is a "demining" step. The reason why we don't know what the other party wants in communication is often because of emotional barriers. The other party's emotions will affect his thinking and expression, which in turn increases the difficulty of our listening. Therefore, we should pre-eliminate interfering information and deal with the landmine of emotions in advance.
- How to help the other party strip emotions from communication? The most eggy way: point out and accept each other's emotions. Respond positively to the other person's emotions.
(2) Confirm the facts
- Information mining is completed in this step. First of all, you can describe the facts you heard in your own words. Generally, if it is correct, the other party will give affirmative confirmation; if it is not correct, more information will be added.
- But sometimes, we may not understand the information expressed by the other party at all. At this time, you can use a series of questioning techniques to ask questions. For example: "Can you explain to me again?", "I'm sorry, I don't understand well here, can you explain to me again?"
(3) Clear action
- The so-called clear action is to translate the other party's expectations into actions that can be implemented next according to all the previous information, so that the other party can clearly feel that you really understand what he means, and plan actions according to his expectations.
- At this point, the reverse narration is completed - the whole process of getting all the information and reassuring the other party.
listening tools that can be borrowed
- Notebook: Classify the information you hear into categories, put the parts that are judged as facts on the left, and those that are not (such as emotions, your own feelings, etc.) on the right. Based on this, it is clear: what I need to do; how should I act. It is very important to organize the list of actions and mark them with special symbols.
- Recording: It is suitable for on-site dialogues, which is convenient for checking for omissions and filling in vacancies afterwards. You can also use Xunfei Hear to convert the recording into shorthand.