The purpose of communication is to solve the problem. Here someone might say, I was just chatting. Chat, then you can choose whether to see this article.
The main recommendation here is non-violent way of communicating. The word non-violence, a lot of people for a vague word comes from India Mahatma Gandhi junior high school history textbooks. This non-violent communication and also about Gandhi, he was Gandhi's grandson Arun Gandhi wrote. Gandhi and grandson way to live together according to. Then sorted out. He is a non-violent Mahatma Gandhi Institute founder and chairman (a scene that speaks to have a good fathers how important it is! No wonder the little Yue Yue to change to reverse the ninth generation of his ancestors).
Before starting nonviolent communication and explanation, let us recall several common communication situations.
"He has a prejudice against people!"
"You look next door to Pharaoh, stronger than you .."
"You do not come down, I will punish you."
"You are illegal, and in accordance with school rules, I have to do."
You find all your results like this to communicate above, final result are the result of communication can not continue. The two sides broke up!
Why is this so? According to the actual situation, we conducted a common imputation as follows:
1, moral judgment
Example: "He has a prejudice against people!"
2, compares
Example: "You look next door to Pharaoh, stronger than you .."
3, inconsiderate
Example: "You do not come down, I will punish you."
4, avoid responsibility
Example: "You are illegal, and in accordance with school rules, I have to do."
Non-violent communication guide us change the conversation and listening mode. We no longer reflexively react, but to understand their observations, feelings and desires, conscious use of language. We both honestly and clearly express themselves, respect and listen to others. Thus, in every interaction, we can listen to the voice of their own and others' soul. It also prompted us to look closely, we find that the positive effects of our actions and events, and provide a clear request. It's way though concise, but it can bring fundamental changes.
In short, non-violent communication contains the following:
1 observation
First of all, pay attention to what's happening. What we observe at the moment? Whether you like it, just tell people things done. Point is clearly expressed observation, without judgment or evaluation.
Objective is to allow us to know exactly the current talk specifically what matter, but we all like to express their views on this morning.
Many people in the chat, a word may be caught in other words, between the two sides and then you come to me, cause this thing have lost its original flavor.
2, feel
You feel that you hear or say it's psychological feeling.
Simply put, you hear about it or talk about feelings of your heart at the moment. Happy, sad, or hurt, fear, joy, happy, angry, etc.
3 wishes
Desire is the need to look forward to, value orientation.
It should be particularly noted that a lot of people can not accurately tell of their wishes. This is because the fundamental problem we have not found, so your desire in proposed fact can not solve your problems.
Here recommend everyone use under 5Why method. It is to ask myself Why, 5 times in a row, find the root cause, raised from the desire to solve the root causes. This is a bit like Chinese medicine study its roots.
4, the request
You will find that you and a lot of people talking, or when you raise your request. After much talking, listening to people talk about a confused, or have embarked on a crossroads.
We are here to refer to a working method: the principle of SMART .
S: specific (Specific)
It is time to raise aspirations must be specific, as little as possible to use the words of some of the senses.
Example:
If you say to the leadership, "I'd like you to guide me." This makes leadership are unable to start.
If you try to say, "My management does not work, I hope that when the plan, can you give me some guidance." In this case, I think your leadership will give you a very good response
M: measurable (Measurable)
For example, "I hope every Friday work on time ..."
A: can be achieved (Attainable)
This is not to say, is simply to do.
R: Correlation (Relevant)
The topic is not to pull away, fear is expected to solve all the problems together, this is an unrealistic expectation.
T: Frequency (Time)
Is willing deadline (Time-bound), personally feel is inappropriate here, so I changed the frequency. For example, a year / month / one week / several times a day. It would be better.
When you hear criticism, we usually defend, retreat or fight back. However, once they focused on each other's observations, feelings and needs, rather than refute others, we will be able to find the heart of tenderness, generating a new experience for themselves and others. This will maximize avoid violence. By emphasizing listening - listening to themselves and others, non-violent communication and foster mutual respect, attention and love, people willing to mutual aid.
Finally, to reiterate, it is not just non-violent communication and communication. It is more a continuing reminder that we focus on is more likely to meet the direction of our pursuit of life.
