From birth, growing up to old age, we all live in society and interpersonal relationships. When we were young, our parents took care of us in every possible way. At that time, because we were young and could not support ourselves, we could only rely on adults; as we got older, adults wanted us to learn to face life and work by ourselves, so we learned to be independent and tried to get rid of the care of adults. To show them, it is also necessary to prove that they can do everything on their own. Therefore, we are also proud of our independence.
After really entering the work position, we slowly discovered that some independent pride will inevitably lead to embarrassment of outlier, and independent quality will inevitably make colleagues around you feel that you are a "hero", but not the same as yourself. When the loneliness of "high and widowed" strikes, it is difficult to balance the mind even with awards. Although your independence is radiant, it is like a lonely flying goose. You are very strong, but you don't have the joy of walking along the way.
At this time, the "independence" in your heart began to waver, and you began to wonder whether it was your parents who were wrong, or whether you didn't do a good job yourself. Isn't one's own independence a symbol and goal pursued by adults? Yes, at least independence is not the whole goal. Psychology defines the growth of interpersonal relationships as three stages: dependence, independence, and mutual dependence. Interdependence is mutual dependence. Maybe you have to take a bold step forward...
Mutual dependence is the need for family stability.
We found that although “strong” individuals tend to have the right to speak in the family, their roles are not like husbands and wives but like elders. A person with normal emotional needs would not be willing to find a leader or nanny to spend his life after marriage! In order to gain the right to speak, it is easy for family members to forget that they also have shortcomings and need to be cared for and taken care of. When the sense of independence is prominent, it will often dissatisfy partners who are about the same age. Maybe I don’t say it, but I often think "I am not worse than you!" In
this way, there are usually two results. One is to be an "independent" party and create a lover with dependent qualities. Then the independent party has to take care of this child-like lover. Not only will it work harder, but it will also work harder than before. Another result is that the partner is unwilling to become a "child" and will continue to make things in order to get rid of discipline. Trouble, causing family disputes. Both of these results are not what we want to see. The problem is that some people do not understand that "mutual dependence" is a reasonable model for equal family relations.
The relationship of "mutual dependence" can reflect respect for each other and show space for each other. The subtext is to say to love you as an independent individual, not as my possession. This kind of I need you, and you also need my message to convey. It represents equality and is a "big love knot" that is both independent and dependent.
Mutual dependence is the cornerstone of work success.
Modern society has long entered the stage of large division of labor, and cooperation is one of the most important qualities of the boss in the work. Sharing with others is also one of the magic weapons to deal with peer relationships and subordinate relationships.
Therefore, psychology advocates that adults should learn to "rely on each other" in a timely and appropriate manner, and put away the domineering "independence". It's not that it's absolutely impossible, but it's important to understand that the "credit" now basically doesn't just belong to the individual. Not to mention how many departments and links are supported by a person's success. From a psychological point of view, it is easy to create disunity and dissatisfaction among the group. Most people like Datong and follow the crowd. There is also a layer of meaning in the ancient Chinese saying "the gun hits the head and the bird" means that if an individual is too far away from the group, overexpression will cause dissatisfaction.
What is "mutual dependence", in short, is mutual dependence. Nowadays, it is difficult for one person to be competent for the current work projects, and it often requires multiple people to cooperate. Each of us is just one of the roles, it's nothing more than doing a part of ourselves. For example, if you are the project leader, but if you have to do everything by yourself or alone, how will your subordinates feel? Will it make subordinates feel that they are not valued, and it is difficult for them to use their abilities. And you have to do everything by yourself, but not only do you not get it right, but it is also easy for everyone to "not buy it" and be in a dilemma.
People often see the world and others with their own eyes. In terms of what you are good at, you think you can do better than others, or think your own way is the most appropriate. But in fact, that is just an appropriate method, and in fact it may not be the most appropriate. Therefore, a person with personal ability is often easy to fall into an independent work thinking mode and forget to consider the needs of others. In fact, other people also have self-achievement needs and performance needs.
It is possible to achieve the work goal, but not recognized by everyone, or fail to reach the goal, but no one cooperates. This is a failure. And if they give play to their strengths while taking into account the needs of everyone in the group, and distribute their work reasonably so that everyone can experience being needed, they will spontaneously and consciously do better. The power of a group is often greater than that of an individual. This principle is a typical application of "mutual dependence".
Mutual dependence can promote the friendship
of friends. As a friendship , Chinese people are very particular about walking around and encourage you to come and go. Why you need to communicate, in fact, is to promote a solid relationship. How to maintain the relationship? Many people don't understand this question, thinking that by blindly treating their friends, they will surely gain friendship. If we take a self-imaging test, we will immediately understand that this will not work. If someone treats you as a friend and treats you very well, they keep helping you and give you what you need and don’t need, but they don’t allow you to do anything in return, or they don’t care about your return at all, you What do you think? Would you like to be friends with such a person? Surely you will feel particularly awkward and particularly useless, right? Even want to avoid the next contact or "charity" with him?
By the way, this is the feeling. When there is no mutual need between friends, the relationship fades and even goes to extinction. Why did we go all the way, losing old friends and making new friends? It's just that this kind of mutual dependence no longer exists, and there may be no mutual dependence. For example, classmates are built on the basis of studying together. After graduation and going to work, many classmates will be lost because you no longer need each other; if you change jobs, some of your colleagues will fade away and eventually disappear, because You no longer cooperate with each other, you need each other.
Therefore, between friends, don’t give each other too much enthusiasm, and only extend your hand when you need it; after that, you should also actively give each other a chance to show your skills so that they can feel that I need your help, not always you need me. s help. If the cycle continues like this, the relationship between the two will continue to rise and get closer and closer. Moreover, if the paying party always pays to gain friendship without asking for rewards, this in itself violates the principle of equality and it is difficult to go far.
The essence of reciprocity is to create a stage for others to display. The important thing is that this stage belongs to you in common, and neither party can only be an actor or an audience.
The basis of mutual dependence must first be that they can be independent of each other, and then establish a relationship of mutual dependence, to be a benign and mature relationship.