The main content of today's article is to give a book review of "The Road Fewer People Take-The Road to Maturity".
This is a book about cognitive psychology. Old readers know that I prefer to read the content of psychology in my spare time. I recommend this book because it has been on the New York Times bestseller list for nearly 20 years and has sold more than 30 million copies by word of mouth. This kind of good book can stand the test of time. .
After reading this book, I feel that the problem of mental maturity is not only a personal problem for this society, but also a social problem. It is precisely because it is a psychological problem that has great "concealment" and "universality." In layman's terms, no one wants to admit that he is "ill".
Xiaolu Note: The "disease" here refers to psychological problems, and also refers to mental health problems.
So few people can find this kind of mental health problem, and even fewer people are able to embark on this road of mental maturity, which is the origin of the name of this book.
There are four volumes in this book. This is the most classic and the earliest one. Due to the popularity of a large number of readers, the author wrote three other books.
1、
Maturity issues.
What is mental maturity? Here are a few examples in life in order to make it easier for big guys to understand.
Some people choose to take the postgraduate entrance examination because they are afraid of graduation. In fact, they are refusing to mature.
Some people are unwilling to get married, afraid of taking responsibility after marriage, but in fact refuse to mature.
Some people encounter problems, the first reaction is that this is not my problem, this is also a refusal to mature.
The psychological problems mentioned above, whether in China or other countries, almost everyone has a psychological problem, but each person has a different time period and degree.
It is precisely because of the hidden nature of psychological problems that most people choose to avoid them rather than face them bravely. On the contrary, avoiding this kind of psychological problem will exacerbate it. If this kind of psychological problem cannot be solved correctly, then it will fall into an endless loop, which will have various negative effects on future life.
The first thing to do is to recognize the existence of this mental health problem, rather than blindly avoid and refuse.
In order to solve the problem of mental maturity, the author starts from self-discipline and love, telling us what is mental maturity and how to solve the problem of mental maturity.
2、
Self-discipline.
Faced with the problem of mental maturity, many people do not want to face the problem squarely. When encountering problems, they will complain and complain constantly. In fact, this is evading the problem and avoiding their mature performance.
And avoiding pain and maturity will often only make yourself more painful. The author proposes that the key to solving this immaturity lies in a person's "self-discipline."
Xiaolu's Note: I have written articles about self-discipline before, but I am more partial to a summary of personal experience, which can be combined with the following content.
How did you become self-disciplined?
The author proposes that in order to be self-disciplined, proceed from four principles: postpone satisfaction, assume responsibility, be true to facts, and maintain balance.
☆Delayed satisfaction
Endure hardship first, then enjoy. Recall that during my personal growth, for most children who came out of the countryside, it has become the norm to endure hardship first, and then enjoy it. After all, rural areas advocate the most glorious work, and suffering and suffering are easy to see in rural areas.
However, for the children of some families, the parents lack self-control and punch and kick their children, leading to becoming role models for their children. As a result of adulthood, if you cannot postpone the sense of satisfaction, you will not be able to bear the short-term pain when you enter the society, and finally lead to crimes and other acts.
Although many times, we know that our sense of satisfaction is low, but we don't know that it all comes from the environmental impact of our childhood. It slowly enters the human subconscious and plays a role unconsciously.
☆ Take responsibility
The courage to take responsibility is the author's second principle of self-discipline. If we cannot solve the problems we face in the first time, this will hinder our growth and mental maturity.
Problems with responsibility can lead to two kinds of psychological problems, "neurosis" and "personality disorder."
In the former, if you encounter problems and think that you are at fault, you will impose responsibilities on yourself. The latter is that they are unwilling to assume their own responsibilities when they encounter problems.
The black American writer Aldridge Cleaver once said, "You can't solve the problem, you will become the problem."
Therefore, to assume responsibility is the only way to mature mentally.
☆Faithful to the facts
The so-called facts are seeking truth from facts, but many people in our lives face falsehoods and live in the life map of their own design, and are unwilling to modify the map as they grow.
Such as distrust, empathy. Most of this is also related to all the environment and family when I was young.
Xiaolu Note: Empathy is one of the concepts of psychoanalysis. It was put forward by Freud, a great psychologist, and it is reflected in the love between people, which will be mentioned below.
For example, many people received their parents' indifference when they were young, resulting in a shadow of childhood, and they concluded that they did not trust their parents. When he grows up, he will amplify this effect and think that everyone in the society is untrustworthy, so he will not trust anyone.
If you want to solve this problem, you have to constantly reflect on yourself, recognize your own conflicts, and don't let yourself stand still.
☆Keep your balance
Maintaining balance is the fourth principle of self-discipline. It is also a constraint on the first three principles.
Keeping balance means that you have to take on your own responsibilities as well as reject the responsibilities you shouldn't. You have to postpone satisfaction, first bitter and sweet, and you have to grasp the current life.
There must be a balance between the two, impartiality.
I always feel that books written by foreigners, with a lot of words, are not ultimately summed up as the "Golden Mean" of our Chinese Confucian Master.
3、
Love.
In the second chapter, the author talks about a more mysterious topic "love".
In fact, when I was reading this chapter, I had a big windfall. Love, this thing is difficult to define, the author considers "love" in psychology to be very thorough, and if you are interested, please read this chapter by yourself.
The second chapter has a lot of content, and I can’t share all of it here. The specific content will be compiled on the Xiaolu blog, which records the new understanding of me when I read it.
The most attractive thing is to let me know that in those so-called love, many behaviors are not love, but we mistakenly think it is the performance of "love". Give a few live examples in real life.
We have seen many young couples in love. It can be said that the adrenal hormones of both parties soared at the beginning, but after a short time, they quarreled and had various discords, then broke up and continued to look for the next one. You know why many people Does this happen?
The so-called passionate love, also called empathy, is more about the desire for "sex". It is an impulse towards sex in the subconscious and conscious, and it is a typical result of the effect of human internal sexual needs and external stimuli. "Physical and psychological" response. It is not true "love", but just a "temporary breakdown" of "self-boundary."
Here is a term involved in psychology, called "self boundary." This kind of self-limitation has a lot to do with our childhood. It comes from childhood memories and then is written into the subconscious mind.
Xiaolu Note: The so-called self boundary is the boundary between "self and the outside world."
So you will find why the divorce rate in society is getting higher and higher, precisely because the pre-marriage is not in a subjective consciousness to promote the mental maturity of both parties, which leads to the discordance of various things after marriage, leading to the self-boundary being healed again.
Including the "dependence" and "mental attention" mentioned by the author later, it is not true love, but a negative personality dependence disorder. It can be said that what has been mentioned above is just an illusion of "love".
True love promotes "mental maturity" and "humanity progress", which means that the self can truly "expand and improve."
At last
The last two chapters are about growth and faith and religion. If you are interested, you can read it yourself. I will not talk more nonsense here.
For the topic of mental maturity, I think it is necessary to emphasize its importance again. As mentioned at the beginning, it is its concealment that makes few people aware of its existence.
Of course, due to space limitations, you may miss a lot of important points, so I strongly recommend you to read it, because this book is worth reading for everyone.
That’s all for sharing today. If you find it helpful, please like and leave a message. See you next time!