Buddhism advises people to learn to let go of all predestined relationships and not to be attached to feelings, but it does not want people to be ruthless, because people are sentient beings in the first place, as long as the gathering and dispersing of love is regarded as the change of causality, it is understood that "the predestined relationship will disperse, and the predestined gathering will gather". The truth is that love and hate can change between this thought and let go.
As long as it is a human being, it is impossible to have no feelings. Buddhism calls all sentient beings "sentient" because of "love". Since love and life are closely related, whether to deny it or cut it off abruptly is neither in line with the cause and effect of Buddhism nor the truth of human feelings.
Resolve love and hate with karma
It is very unfortunate to have resentment and hatred because of love. From the point of view of Buddhism, these are behaviors of ignorance, because true love requires both parties to be in love with each other. .
Even if the other party already understands the rejection of your feelings, but you still do everything possible to get the other party back; just like a loser in a gamble, he is unconvinced and always wants to turn over the book. As a result, it is getting deeper and deeper, and it is impossible to extricate oneself. Now that you know that it is irreversible, don’t fall into it any more. You should retreat as soon as possible. Even if you take this as a warning, at least learning from experience is enough. This is to be compassionate to yourself.
Compassion isn't just taking care of others, it's actually protecting oneself. I once met a girl who, when she was abandoned by her boyfriend, hoped that she and her boyfriend would perish together. Later, she knew that her boyfriend had already made a new love, and it was absolutely impossible for her to love her again, so she came to tell me that she already wanted to Passed: "Since the cause is like this, in order to let myself live well, I don't want to hate him for the rest of my life." When love is frustrated, you should try to resolve the anger and injustice in your heart.
Like this girl's experience of "karma", that is, the concept of "emptiness" in Buddhism, it is the most able to help people get rid of pain. As long as the gathering and dispersing of love is regarded as the change of causality, and the principle of "the gathering and dispersing of love, and the gathering of the predestined gathering" are understood, love and hatred can be transformed and relieved between this thought.
Manage love with respect
The love between men and women is a kind of mutual possession. If you want to possess him, he also wants to possess you. Because they both want to possess, they cannot be separated. Such "love", in the end, only makes the other party want to escape even more.
In addition, many people fall in love, in fact, they want to find a support, that is, to find a "backer" mentality. At the beginning, it may feel very warm to rely on and rely on. However, if you rely on it for a long time, it will become a trouble and a burden for the other party. Even in the two-person world of love, everyone is still an independent self. Whether it is a man or a woman, everyone is afraid that others will become their burden. If they cannot be independent, they only want to rely on or rely on the other half. , it will become a burden to the other party.
Sweet love is often the most painful. Looking forward to, demanding, and hoping to be treated and paid "sincerely" by the other party, but is this kind of heart "sincere"? There is a passage in the Diamond Sutra: "The Tathagata says that all minds are not minds, but are called minds."
"Minds" refer to the various mental activities of every sentient being. These are all illusory. From the point of view of Buddhism, as long as there is a mind, it is not true. That is "truly". Therefore, the mind of possession, dependence, and expectation are not called "sincere minds", but "the minds of troubles."
The ancients said "respect each other as guests", although it is a commonplace, but it is the real wisdom that can maintain long-term love. If you want to avoid quarrels, misunderstandings, or want to dissolve constant expectations and demands, when encountering such problems, you may as well face and resolve them with a respectful attitude, convince, joy, and calmness. In fact, it can be resolved in the moment.
The relationship in love is not about mutual attachment, entanglement and possession, but mutual contribution, growth and learning. Only by caring, caring, and tolerant of each other, not caring about each other, suspecting each other, communicating more, and trusting each other, can you become a bodhisattva partner.