October 27th Nonviolent Communication - The Language of Love Workshop Learning Experience
I'm still very excited.
Although it has been two days since Wei Jun-Ai's language workshop, I can still feel the excitement and joy brought by the workshop.
This experience has been replayed in my mind a thousand times, but when I started writing, I didn't know where to start.
Give a comment first: Participation in this workshop is very worthwhile!
When I entered the workshop, I still did some preparations myself. For example, I still finished reading the book "Nonviolent Communication", and I have done the exercises in the book seriously, and I really agree with the content written in the book. But there is a doubt, I have never understood why non-violent communication is called "love language"? It's just a bunch of sentences, and love, where does it come from?
In this way, I came to Mr. Wei Jun's class. On the first day I came, I was late. Maybe it's because of the apprehension in my heart. On the first day, I thought Mr. Wei was very serious! A little afraid of {making faces}.
first day不完整的基本功
In the afternoon of the first day, the four key skills of NVC are learned: observe, feel, need, and request. Mr. Wei said a paragraph "I felt a little worried yesterday...", and after that, asked us what you observed, and asked us, "What am I feeling now?". My answer is that I observed something happened to Mr. Wei yesterday, and he is worried now. Teacher Wei said, "The answer is wrong, what happened to me yesterday was what I told you, what you observed is that I am telling you a story today, and my current feeling is not worry, because worry is what I felt yesterday, I'm feeling calm right now."
Uh. It turns out that my understanding has always been problematic. It turns out that what I always thought was "observed" was not a fact, but just "heard". And the feeling is even more wrong. But I know that "mistakes are the best chance to learn"! It is because of this mistake that I have a better understanding of the meaning of "focusing on the present, focusing on the situation"! It can also better distinguish between "observation" and "hearsay".
the next day受挫的倾听
The next day, we started to learn and practice listening, and we were frustrated again, only to realize that I couldn't "listen" either. I found that it is not difficult to hear what the other party means, but it is relatively difficult to hear the other party's intention, but I can do it too, but to hear the other party's feelings requires frequent training and verification. obtained, and my own training in this area is clearly insufficient. Because in listening training, people are saying "A" and I often hear "A-" or "B". Likewise, when I start to express, I also find that others often misunderstand what I mean. This made me realize that it is very important to confirm the intention of the other party in ordinary conversations. In addition, I also realized that if we pay attention to the intention and feeling of the other party when speaking, even if the other party is speaking inappropriately, We are also less likely to elicit our own emotional responses.
day three顿悟爱的语言
On the third day, Mrs. Wei taught me to connect with myself. Only then did I realize the meaning of "I choose". It turned out that for the past 30 years of life, I have been living at the level of conditioned reflex passed on to me by my primitive ancestors. Because of other people's actions, I react, too many "must," "should," "have to" surround myself. "I have to go to work", "I have to go to work", "I should study hard", all these thoughts, are external reasons, I have no choice. Of course, this also has the advantage that I don't have to bear the consequences for what I do, because I "have to" do it, and I "don't want" to do it, so I'm not responsible. And the price I paid was living in pain myself while inflicting pain on those close to me.
And self-connection, through meditation, keeps me happy, empowers me, calms down and thinks about my own needs, and it's easier for me to focus on the needs of others rather than their literal expressions. "You pig!" is actually expressing "I'm angry", "I'm hurt", "I'm vulnerable", "I need comfort". And when I'm focusing on "angry, hurt, vulnerable", I don't actually "hear" the word "pig" anymore. All I "heard" was a wounded, vulnerable man venting his anger. At this time, compassion is born out of it, and love emerges from it. And I am willing to choose to empathize with him and comfort him - even if he calls me a pig.
That's it, I had an epiphany: the origin of the name "language of love".
experience路才开始，我需要你
After the three-day course, the doubts in my heart were easily resolved. As a person who has never found it difficult to control my emotions, I believe in "people don't offend me, I don't offend others. People who "can't help" or "unintentionally" hurt others, already think in their hearts that good emotional management is innate, and I can't do it. But after the three-day course, I found a way and saw hope. I can choose, besides using verbal violence to hurt others, I have other choices!
NVC, a wonderful way of communication, you can only experience the wonder of it when you are in it. And Mr. Wei, the guide—yes, a guide, guiding you, not educating you—through him, I found my own NVC path, and I also saw the joy of my classmates, who also found There are thousands of people, there are thousands of paths, everyone is different, but there is the same way that brings us together, and that is NVC, and there is the same power that makes us confident, and that is love.
This is just as Mr. Wei said: " I hope you don't pay too much attention to the model given by NVC in the book, and don't pay too much attention to what I am telling you. The model is only written for the convenience of expression, and NVC does not have a model. Everyone has their own NVC in their hearts! " The
road has just begun, practice, practice, trial and error, summarization, and looping. And I am just one of the thousands on this road, and I also need your company, encouragement and attention.
Thanks for having you along the way.