James Cook University Singapore Campus Main Entrance
I still remember a circle of friends posted in high school: "A person's value is determined by the people around him." When I was fifteen, I left my hometown alone and came to Singapore. Half a year later, the language class teacher at the first school retired, and I was forced to transfer to another international school and live in a host family. That circle of friends was posted at this time. Now that I think about it, it is not abrupt to draw that conclusion. After all, the nine-year compulsory education constantly emphasizes the importance of the collective, and I have to constantly integrate into the new environment.
A few years later, I came to Australia and lived in sparsely populated Canberra. Later, I went to receive psychological counseling, and the school counselor asked me what the perfect life in your imagination would be like, but I couldn't answer it. Only then did I realize that after living for more than 20 years and experiencing more than a dozen different lives in three countries, I only know what I don’t like, but I don’t know what I want.
There are many peers around me who have more or less similar problems. Whether you are still in school, you study hard to keep your family from worrying and to please your teachers; on the job, you work hard to meet the requirements of your boss and meet social standards. For some people, this may be a kind of blessing, and maybe living a lifetime for others in this way just saves the effort of thinking for oneself. But I believe that there are still a considerable number of people, more and more young people, who find that they will lose motivation to do things for others, and they have no ideals and pursuits, and eventually either fall into the pain of inner ideological struggle, or Reduce the effort and only pursue the bottom line of survival.
I think the essence of this kind of problem is not paying enough attention to self. I am not writing this article to criticize or evaluate any person or phenomenon, I just want to share how I deal with my own problems as a psychology student at James Cook University.
student lounge
First, mindfulness. Mindfulness in English is Mindfulness, Mind is thinking, Fulness is saturation, and the written meaning of mindfulness is saturated thinking. When people are under too much pressure, they will reduce their thinking and sensitivity to the outside world. This is a means of self-defense. For example, after working overtime, forget what dinner tastes like, and forget how you got home. This reaction can sometimes become the norm, leaving one feeling insensitive to most things in life. The purpose of mindfulness training is to break this self-paralysis and allow the self to regain a subjective view of what is happening around us.
Mindfulness training is simple and can be done anytime. In the simplest case, you only need to list in your mind the things you feel through your senses and the emotional impact these feelings have on you. Especially when you feel that you are aimlessly doing some irrelevant things, mindfulness training is especially needed. For example, if I’m on the bus home, I might list that the air conditioning in the bus is cold and it’s making me miserable, or that I’m feeling like I’m getting nothing done today and it’s frustrating. If you feel that it is difficult to describe your feelings in your heart at that time, you can also write down what happened during the day, and summarize your mood today before going to bed.
While living in Canberra, I occasionally roamed the deserted streets below my hostel. Go to the library to study? Too lazy to turn on the computer. Go downtown for a meal? Eating out is too expensive. Then go to the supermarket to buy something to cook at home? Forgot to bring a paper bag and didn't know what to do. Why don't you just go back to the dormitory and continue playing games? That's even more boring. As soon as I fall into this state now, I will conduct mindfulness training and ask myself "what do I want to do?" Maybe there will be no answer to such open-ended questions. First ask "Is it cold? Is it uncomfortable?", "Are you hungry?" Hungry? Do you want to eat?". Realize that you may be tired, take a seat and rest, look around, listen to sounds, and take a deep breath.
Many people ask what is the use of knowing how you feel if you cannot change any reality. Understanding the problem is more important than knowing how to solve it, and many psychotherapy sessions focus on helping people organize their thoughts and feelings rather than giving them specific solutions. Moreover, people who are clearly aware of their own emotions are better at controlling their emotions. When I play games, people who say they are "not angry" are often the most tempered, while those who say "very annoying, very annoying" often laugh The mouth is always open.
Outdoor area next to the cafeteria
Mindfulness is only the first step. A person must know what he is feeling, what he wants, and what he wants to change in order to make choices that are beneficial to him. But before changing others, you must first have the courage to face yourself. Years of doing things for others can sometimes cause people to bury their own desires and personalities deep in the consciousness, thinking that it is selfish, and mature people should not be selfish. But the truth is if one doesn't act on one's desires, one cannot sustain motivation for long. So the second step after practicing mindfulness is to accept who you really are.
I have always been very shy about spending money. When ordering food outside, I will subconsciously set a limit for myself. If I exceed this limit, I will blame myself for being too greedy. Downstairs in my dormitory, pizza and all kinds of fast food are the cheapest, and eating these will never exceed the limit, so I gained 20 pounds in eight months.
Accepting yourself is not only forgiving yourself, but also understanding yourself. This step is often the hardest because everyone needs to forgive different things. I often criticize myself from the perspective of a parent, scolding myself for failing to achieve the goals I set at the beginning, and lamenting my years of bad habits. I don't think this attitude is very healthy. It's better to look at yourself from the perspective of a teacher. The teacher will allow the child in his heart to play and play as much as he wants, but he will also be good at teaching things that are beneficial to him. I think this will reduce internal conflicts in trivial matters, and still be able to make rational judgments in key decisions.
If we can do this, many problems will actually be solved. If you still feel pain and conflict, you can consider the third step, choosing a world that suits you. I hate a sentence: "Either change yourself, or change the world, or leave". I think this sentence is too extreme, making people dig into the corners and make people painful. In reality, these three options more often form a triangle, and we can make the most suitable choice in this triangle. Although we can't completely change the world, we can choose who to befriend, communicate with, and confide in. Although you cannot completely change yourself, you can make compromises without compromising your own interests. Although you can't leave completely, you can also sleep for a short time.
Choosing a world that suits you is to eliminate harmful people around you and add people who are good to you, mainly to eliminate. Potential girlfriends keep me on my toes? give up completely. Old friends for many years use me as an emotional trash can? Delete contact information. I should learn this from my friend T. He is very sensitive to the influence of others on him, and he cuts off very decisively. Unlike me, a few years ago, I had an online relationship with a mental patient, and I was almost sick and still tender. The people around me, the collective of my existence, should make me better, not my existence to make others better. That sounds selfish, and maybe a little short-sighted. But selfish people can keep themselves mentally healthy and motivated to pay for the health of family and friends. As for the so-called ambitious people, when the self is only an empty shell and obeys the arrangement of the group, I would like to ask, what should I do when the group no longer needs you?
Green area next to the study room
It's been a long time since I wrote an article, thank you for reading here. The theme I set for myself in 2023 is "selfishness", starting with self love, I'm awesome. It has been five years since I graduated from high school, and now I have finally found a major that suits me, psychology. Although the Singapore campus of James Cook University is far away from my home, its psychology major is highly recognized in the local area, and the teachers are also very professional and responsible. Today, with the gradual saturation of material, people pay more and more attention to mental health. Psychology is in greater demand, more widely employed, and has greater opportunities to use expertise than traditional majors such as finance and business. The school environment is also very good. I am already on vacation, but I still go to school every day to read books and play with my mobile phone.
I often see Chinese students who can't speak English at all in the school. Most of them live here alone in rented houses, and their classmates help each other, so there will be no difficulties in life. Often reminds me of when I first came alone and makes me want to help them. Some of my psychology classmates want to stay in Singapore, and some want to return to China to find a job. A diploma in psychology can help them find various jobs ranging from human resources, marketing to clinical researchers.
I seem to have started studying psychology a long time ago. I have studied what the teacher taught in class out of interest. I hope everyone can experience this feeling. I hope this major will allow me to better understand me and the people around me, or fool a few silly girls, and it will be my ticket to stay in Singapore.