If you eat too much watermelon seeds, you will naturally get pregnant

Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML

's child is really bad now, it's daytime My husband lied to my daughter that she was born from eating watermelon seeds, and guess what, I was taking a nap and felt like someone was stroking my mouth, and my daughter was secretly stuffing watermelon into my mouth during my lunch break. What about the seeds. FML



Today, after a long session (n. meeting; (of a court); (of parliament, etc.) session; semester; seminar) of working through numbers, I told our accountant that he deserved a drink. He assumed I was asking him out for a drink and hastily told me that he needed to get home to his wife.

The owner of FML, female, the person in charge of the company, the accountant of our company worked overtime late tonight, I thought it should be encouraged, so I said " Let's go, I'll treat you to a drink." What did you mean when you said you were married with a frightened face? FML



Today, I found out that my aunt has suggested to the rest of my family I'm a pervert, just because I agreed when my 4-year-old sister was scared to use a public bathroom by herself, and asked me to come with her. FML

is embarrassing, my four-year-old sister was afraid to go to the public bath and begged me to go with her, so to comfort my sister I pretended to say yes, but my aunt just heard it, and now our whole family probably thinks I am A little perverted. FML



Today, after 6 months of unemployment and jobs searching, I showed up to my new job 10 minutes early. My new supervisor confusedly greeted me and informed me I was in fact a week and 10 minutes early. HR changed my start date and told everyone but me. FML

is embarrassed. After being unemployed for 6 months, I finally found a job. In order to perform well, I arrived at the company ten minutes early. Well, the problem is that my new leader told me that I actually came a week early. ten minutes. . . HR changed my entry time but didn't tell me. FML



Today, I received a Saturday detention because the assignment I'd handed in had different handwriting. I've been practicing my handwriting skills for the past month

. . . Then tragedy struck, our teacher asked me to call my parents on Saturday because my most recent assignment looked to be in several fonts. . . . FML



Today, I found out that the chefs at my work can't spell for shit. FML

wanted to make fun of a friend, so I wanted to send a special cake, but the chef on our side told me he couldn't spell "shit (dog) shit)", brothers, are you saying that I was played by someone? . FML



Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I was "angry" at him. I was angry because last night he turned off his phone and left me locked out of the Airbnb that I had paid for. Until 3 am. In a foreign country. There are some things in FML

, let's go. Just now my boyfriend broke up with me because I was angry. Even if he doesn't break up, I will break up. He turned off his phone last night, which led to my booking. The hotel could not be checked in (booked with his mobile phone), the problem is that I was abroad last night and waited alone until three in the morning. FML

original address: http://www.shitmylife.