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Text|Hong Shengpeng Edit|Jingzi
I believe that every mom and dad, before the birth of their child, had made a vow like this:
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"I will definitely control my emotions, be a qualified father (mother), and not lose my temper with children"
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"I will not get angry with children at every turn, I will educate them patiently"
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"The child is just a child, and I will teach him patiently."
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But when the child grows up slowly, when he can't eat on time, sleep well, and do his homework as you want, he can't help being angry at the child!
Obviously I don't want to be angry with the child, but sometimes I just can't control my emotions, and immediately yelled at the child. When the anger disappeared, I felt deep guilt and self-blame for my impulsive behavior. This is what I sometimes do.
A Harvard University study showed that the reason why parents tend to get angry with their children is related to the three psychological factors of parents.
1. What kind of person the child is, and what kind of person the parent is
There are so many ignorant children outside, why are you still angry? Just because we gave birth to our children, if our children perform well in all aspects, it shows that we are well taught. On the contrary, a series of bad habits such as ignorance, laziness, procrastination, etc. of a child also seems to mean that there is no way to teach as a parent. Therefore, parents will inevitably lose their temper when facing their children's ignorance. Especially when I work hard outside to support my children to study, but he gives you a score of 59. You say you are not angry.
2. I didn't teach you well, you will blame me for it in the future
Every parent hopes to be a qualified parent and to cultivate outstanding children. When I was in school, all the classmates in the class followed their interest in enrolling in the training class. As a parent, if they didn’t apply for the training class to their children, would the children complain about me psychologically? Enrolling in the training class for the child, but facing the application fee, and my own financial ability is limited, I have finally worked together to pay the training fee for the child, but the child is playful, half-hearted in class, the grades do not meet the expectations, and the anger in my heart erupts instantly .
3. I can’t give my child what I want, but I feel guilty and blame myself
In cities, the cost of going to a kindergarten is more than the cost of going to university. Some parents have limited financial ability and are stretched, and no matter how tight they are, they cannot meet all the needs of their children.
Parents also feel this kind of guilt in their hearts. In order to conceal this feeling of guilt, parents can't help but get angry: "It's pretty good that I can raise you up. You want this and that."
Of course, being angry with your child does not mean that you are an incompetent parent. Don’t blame yourself too much. When your child’s behavior has caused trouble to your work and life, as a parent, we have the right to point out his mistakes and make the child aware His behavior is wrong.
In addition, the child will not appreciate that you will never lose your temper to him, just because the child does not feel that you pay attention to him, and when the child does something wrong, if the parent does not point out, this kind of indulgence will only make it difficult for the child to learn Distinguish right from wrong.
When we feel that our emotions are about to be out of control and will be angry with our children at any time, we might as well try to reduce other negative emotions and avoid superimposing emotions. When you are facing tension and pressure, arrange a short period of free time to go out alone to relax, or When taking a deep breath in a quiet, undisturbed place.
In order to let children understand themselves better, parents may wish to try the following methods:
01. Educate children to understand others. In addition to thinking about everything from their own perspective, they must also consider themselves and others, and understand from the perspective of others, so as not to lose their bias.
02. Let the children help with some housework, let the children learn to cherish the hard work of their parents, and cultivate their independent ability and labor ability.
03. You can try to take a deep breath before you get angry with your child, try to calm yourself down before communicating with your baby, try to speak calmly with your child, and before parents lose their temper with your baby, you can think about the consequences first, you are angry with your child At that time, the child may be obedient, but in fact the child will only have fear and rebellion in his heart.
When criticizing a child, the more you scold you, the more you have to speak in a normal tone.
Once, my mother took 3-year-old Youyou to a neighbor's house. Youyou was very quiet at first, but after a while, Youyou bounced on the living room sofa. Seeing this situation, Youyou’s mother did not yell, but walked up to Youyou and said to Youyou in a soft voice that was almost inaudible: “You don’t feel like you are on someone’s sofa without permission. Is it right to jump up?"
Youyou's mother's voice was very soft, with a kind smile on her face, but Youyou stopped immediately as if she heard severe criticism.
A low and flat voice and a calm tone can encourage children to listen to your conversation carefully, at least to prevent parents from being flushed when educating their children, and to create conditions for further persuading children.
If parents often yell at their children, they will easily become more alienated from their children. The children will become more reluctant to listen to their parents, and there will be more and more conflicts in the parent-child relationship, so parents must learn Control your own anger, and be sure of your child's anger. After all, a child's growth requires a process. Excessive anger is also a kind of harm to the parent-child relationship. mutual encouragement!
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