The first: the ability to maintain your sleep quotient. The difficulty factor is five stars.
No matter what happens or how difficult it is, you can fall asleep normally at night, and sleep like a child, and wake up the next morning full of energy to solve the difficulties and problems you are facing.
I think this is a very important ability and skill, and it is also a very difficult ability. As we grow older, our sleep quotient will gradually decrease. We are no longer able to sleep until dawn like children. If we really encounter something annoying, we may start to lose sleep. Insomnia will make you sluggish. , The already bad mood may become worse because of insomnia, which may make your insomnia worse, a vicious cycle, I believe that people who have experienced insomnia will feel the same.
Nine times out of ten, life is unsatisfactory, and everyone will inevitably encounter ups and downs. If you have the ability to ensure that your sleep is not affected, no matter what happens, you can fall asleep soundly when you should sleep, and naturally when you wake up And wake up, so that you will have enough energy to solve the trouble you are facing, no matter how difficult it is, it will pass.
The second: the ability to maintain inner peace (inner peace) Difficulty factor 4 stars
We live in a chaotic world, and maintaining inner peace can be difficult. Many years ago, because of my hair loss, I was tortured and miserable, and my anxiety collapsed. Then I didn't know how to borrow a book from the library "Being the Master of Destiny", author: James Allen, my Zhihu avatar is him. This book gave me a lot of inspiration and change. He told me in the book: "Only by maintaining inner peace, can people explode with infinite possibilities." Then I read all his other books. During the most perplexing and distressing days, his books brought me boundless energy, and I kept reading by the bedside. Many of my online accounts have become jamesallen or jamesalen, which I hope will always remind me to "Keep Inner Peace".
Maintaining inner peace can make you calm in the face of danger when encountering things, can make you have the composure and calmness of "Mount Tai collapses in front of you but the color remains unchanged", and can make you have the "goodness like water" to be indifferent to the world , you will no longer panic when you encounter trouble, you will no longer be distressed when you encounter hardship, you will only think calmly and actively deal with it. I think that only by being able to maintain inner peace at all times can you become a real man.
It is true that maintaining inner peace is not an easy task. You need to keep practicing, keep practicing, and keep improving.
The third: meditation, emptying one's own ability difficulty factor three stars
Meditation should be the easiest thing to do among these three things, but people tend to ignore the importance of meditation, and few people can insist on meditation. Regular meditation will reduce the activity of a person’s amygdala and make you change. Being less susceptible to the interference and influence of negative emotions can deal with all kinds of troubles and difficulties in life more effectively, making a person more rational, happy, optimistic and positive, and a healthier body and mind.
Fourth: The ability to persist in exercising has a difficulty factor of three stars
I don't think I need to say more about the importance of health to a person. Without health, everything else becomes meaningless, including life. Persistent exercise does not necessarily guarantee that you will not get sick, but it can greatly enhance your resistance, enhance your physique, enhance your immunity, and try to keep you away from disease. Exercising is not difficult, but perseverance. No matter how busy I am, I basically go to the playground for a half-hour jog every night around 9:30, only interrupted when it rains.
I think the above are the four most important abilities for me to live in this world, and I hope to do better in the future.
The ability to maintain inner peace at all times.
At first I also thought of "persistence", but later I thought it was wrong, "persistence" is only the ability necessary for success, not the most important ability in life, nor the ability we lack the most. The purpose of persistence is to succeed, and the purpose of success is to be happy. However, I have seen many people who are successful but not happy.
To discuss the most important abilities of life, we must look at the whole life: what is it that people seek?
Many people will say "I want a successful career", "I want to make a lot of money", "I want to find someone I love and stay with me for a lifetime". Looking at these desires, we all seek a common pursuit: happiness. .
I have said before that it is difficult for people to achieve the ideal state of happiness, because most of us understand happiness as: I can do what I want. But think about it, if a person can really do whatever he wants, he can get what he wants. Then all he has left is boredom. At this time he will look around for things to do, looking for new desires.
I have seen millionaires sitting on top of each other. They buy bags after bags and play with women after another, but what they show is not happiness, but insatiable anxiety - buying a bag back, After a few days, she immediately put it on the shelf, because he took a fancy to another more beautiful bag.
I have seen retired old cadres who earn tens of thousands of dollars a month, but they often worry about their son's failure to find a job as a civil servant, his son's marriage with a wife, and his grandson's education. When their son is not around, they worry about "what if the lights in the hall are not turned off", "is the door locked?", "when will my high blood pressure be cured and how long will I live?" They are anxious and uneasy all the time, in other words, they have not reached the happy state they imagined.
On the other hand, when I was young, I looked forward to going to college soon, so that I didn’t have to go to school every day and listen to my parents nagging about my grades. Later, when I entered university, I looked forward to going out to work early, because work brings wages, and money brings freedom. Now that I've been working for so many years, I'm thinking about retirement again - I think people who retire will be very happy by watering the flowers and taking walks all day long.
After reading other people's lives and reading some books, I began to understand that if a person does not deliberately practice cultivation, he will never be able to be peaceful in this dye vat of society. He always feels that this moment is the most painful time, and my pain now is for the light of tomorrow, and tomorrow will definitely be better than today.
In fact it is an illusion that tomorrow will not necessarily be better, it may be worse. A person who is not at peace, no matter what conditions are given to him, he cannot be at peace, because he does not have the ability to obtain happiness.
As human beings, we can neither live in the past nor in the future. All we have is the present moment that is passing by. So grasp the moment, this minute and second of calm is the most important.
After reading my answer, some people will definitely say: "I think what you call peace is not enough. What I want to pursue is to be happy every day."
We often call happiness, that is, the pleasure of the senses. The same is pleasure, but sex and reading are different. The pleasure of the former is the pleasure of the senses. And the latter is long and long, with endless aftertastes, because he is calm.
If a person is easy to be happy, then correspondingly, he will also be easy to cry, because he is emotional and has great mood swings. And the same thing, the pain is often much greater than the joy. Just think about it, for the same 10,000 yuan, is it more happiness when you get it or more pain when you lose it?
When you are young, you should be cautious about all things that make people happy: such as staying up late to play games, such as xx, such as smoking, such as drinking. In the end, we will find that everything that makes you happy will pay a heavier price behind it.
A person who knows how to judge the situation should learn to avoid unnecessary pain, instead of blindly pursuing happiness.
This topic is too big and has little to do with the topic we are discussing, so I can sum it up in one sentence, that is, "a moment of joy is not as good as a moment's tranquility".
I remember taking the subway once, and the whole car seemed very agitated. Like countless mornings, people looked busy, kept pressing their phones, making phone calls, chatting, swiping WeChat, shaking their legs, and looking around. There was only one girl sitting there quietly, with her hands on her knees, motionless, like a tree, neither fighting nor taking, impartial, and growing quietly.
Looking at her, I remembered a poem:
The grass is knotting its seeds, the
wind is shaking its leaves,
we stand without speaking.
It is very beautiful.
Some people are destined to stand out in the crowd, because of her cultivation, because of her temperament.
I didn't know what kind of girl I wanted to pursue before, filial piety? How much money? pretty? Smart?
At this moment, I understand that this is the person I want to pursue, the life I want to pursue.
Realize that you are alone.
Someone who exists only once, who has only one chance of survival; someone who experiences hope, disappointment, worry and fear; someone who longs for love and is threatened by nothingness and loneliness.
So anything we do should not be used as a means, because the meaning of life is life itself. Experience what you want to experience, become what you want to be, and by the way create something that the world doesn't have. This is the purpose of life.
This awareness is the most important ability of human beings.
One day, you will understand how important the ability to be alone is.
Have you had a moment like this too?
When I was in high school, I clearly remember that girls like to go to the toilet in pairs.
It's not because they happen to have needs for each other, but they just want someone to talk to is not boring.
In university cafeterias, two or more people eat together. If you are eating alone, you will pack it back to the dormitory.
It's not that there are too many people to sit down, but that the figure eating alone looks lonely and desolate.
Cinemas are more for couples and groups of friends.
It's not that one person can't feel it, but that it's enough to share the joys, sorrows and feelings with someone.
When I am alone, it seems that no matter where I am, I always feel lonely, ashamed and awkward.
In this society where people live in groups, we seem to have a hard time putting up with "one person".
In this fast-paced era, it seems difficult for us to focus on "one person".
Textbooks and classrooms have never taught us how to learn how to be alone, how to enjoy one's time.
In the past two years, I have slowly learned this ability.
Because I gradually realized that even my parents who have a relationship with me who have blood is thicker than water will have to part one day; There is also a day when the husband and wife are separated from life and death; even if you have a child, it is an individual independent of you, and one day he will long for a world without your intervention.
Then these moments, these years, it is very difficult for a person who cannot enjoy being alone to have true happiness and joy.
What you must know is: when you are
sick, no one can feel bad for you. The phrase "drink more water and rest more" that has been ridiculed by netizens for countless times is the best panacea.
When you are vulnerable, no one can give you real strength, only you can build strength and give yourself strength.
When you are sad, no one can dry the tears in your heart, even if he gently wipes the tears from your face with a tissue.
When you are frustrated, no one cares about your talent and ability, but you can only keep accumulating energy and use your actions to give them the most beautiful punch.
Learn to be independent, learn the ability to be alone, and enjoy being "alone".
I started to fall in love with a person's life, a person's time.
Alone, reading, writing, painting, listening to music.
Eat alone, travel alone, watch a movie alone, and practice the piano alone.
A person's umbrella is in summer, and a person's winter clothes are warm.
When you are alone, take care of your body and your emotions.
In my opinion, even if you are in love, you should insist on having a person's time.
When two people are together, it is for one more person to share the splendor and poetry of when you are alone, not to fill the emptiness and nothingness when you are alone.
When two people are together, don't expect another person to give you something you didn't have when you were alone.
"Send charcoal in the snow" is certainly warm, but if you are the charcoal yourself and have the ability to spontaneously burn and generate heat, then are you less afraid of "cold winter snow"?
Rather than "send charcoal in the snow", I prefer two people to be together, it is "icing on the cake".
Whether you come or not, I am a match; it is better if you come, and I am beautiful if you do not come.
The British psychologist Donald W. Winnicott has said that he believes that the perfect relationship between lovers is "loneliness in the arms of the lover".
I have always felt that of all forms of love, a long-distance relationship is a better relationship.
Long-distance relationships that can persist, on the basis of mutual love, more often occur between two people with independent personalities and spirits.
It has withstood the test of time and distance, and it has cultivated the ability to be alone with each other and the heart to embrace loneliness.
And when you get married, you should keep your alone time.
As Gao Wei said, every woman is actually a single woman. The growth of a woman's soul is almost a personal matter, and no one can replace the pain of a woman's growth.
In a marriage, no matter how good the relationship is, it is impossible for two individuals who are necessarily different to understand everything in common.
Then, in a person's time, avoid those complicated and trivial things, and immerse yourself in focusing on yourself.
Talk to yourself, please yourself, and resolve those sadnesses that are not understood.
Then, turn around gracefully, support each other with your lover, and shake hands with marriage to make peace.
Jiang Xun said, I long for loneliness; cherish loneliness. It seems that only loneliness can make life rich and gorgeous.
There is nothing wrong with being alone, he said. What makes loneliness bad is that you are afraid of being alone.
Long Yingtai said that some things can only be done by one person; some customs can only be passed by one person; some roads can only be walked by one person.
She said that the path of practice is always lonely, because wisdom must come from loneliness.
I feel the same way about their words.
Because of my focus on my time alone, I kept writing a diary for 15 years, and after graduation, I persisted in memorizing words for nearly 450 days.
I never gave up painting, which I loved since I was a child. I started practicing the piano, started cooking, started serving flowers and plants, and started working on the WeChat public account.
All the things I like, all the things I want to do, are treated with tenderness in one person's time.
In my time alone, there are still many things I want to learn, such as baking, PPT, photography.
I came to believe that loneliness is full.
Just like me, who is coding in the middle of the night at this moment, lonely and full.
Alone, there are many benefits.
When you eat alone, you can enjoy delicious food without worrying about how fast others eat.
If you run alone, you can run at your own pace, not at the speed of others.
Shopping alone, you can choose and try on at will, without worrying about the patience of others that may gradually wear off.
Watching a movie alone, you can laugh and cry to your heart's content, and you don't have to worry that the crying face has replaced the original delicate makeup.
Traveling alone, you don't need to coordinate with other people's time. "Let's go as soon as you say it" is no longer an extravagant hope after several times.
Only by looking at the scenery alone can you see the beauty along the way more clearly, because it is a private meeting only between you and the scenery.
......
A person's time, you are free, willful, unrestrained, uninhibited.
So please try to learn to be "alone", to learn the ability to be alone.
You will find that this ability will last you a lifetime.
When a teenager is studying, let you resist the temptation around you and seek knowledge in self-discipline and loneliness.
The years of youth waiting for love will make you more determined to "don't make it", and you will have more confidence and confidence to fight against the world and age.
At the time of your twilight years, it will give you more courage and strength to face the departure of the other half, and still live a wonderful life.
In "The Three of Us", Mr. Yang Jiang affectionately described her and her husband Qian Zhongshu's love, and her daughter Qian Yuan's mother-daughter love. However, after her daughter and her husband passed away one after another, she wrote two more books, translated and dictated one book each, and compiled her husband Qian Zhongshu's 70,000 pages of notes into English and Chinese notes and published them separately.
Some people say, "The most beautiful scenery in life is actually the calmness and calmness of the heart. We used to look forward to the approval of the outside world, and finally realized that the world is our own and has nothing to do with others."
I think that only a person with a strong ability to be alone can continue to build the wisdom and light of life despite such grief.
I think Yang Jiang is the woman who "bred loneliness into loneliness" in Gao Wei's mouth.
There are always those moments when you need to fight with loneliness; there are always those years when you need to walk alone.
We must understand that we come from loneliness and eventually return to loneliness.
I still remember that night, I went to the cinema alone.
When buying a ticket, the ticketing lady said, is there one?
I said, yes, one.
The ticket saleswoman asked again uncertainly, is it a person?
I said, yes, just one person, buy one ticket.
The tone is calm and determined.
One day, you will no longer endure "one person", but enjoy "one person", and you will have the peace and calmness that you have never had before.
Yes, the world is noisy and the Internet is lively. And I hope that we will use the calmness and calmness of being alone to perceive the fragrance of birds and flowers in life, and to fight against the precariousness of life.