Unspoken rules of the workplace: how to kill a big IT technologist?
Transfer from: Technical Leadership
There is a saying in the IT industry: To kill a technologist, you don't need a gun, you only need to change the requirements three times. The method of death of a technologist is so unpretentious and boring.
As the saying goes, the best time to bring down a big technology man is ten years ago, followed by now.
Old readers know that I used to be a programmer, my code was written like Luo Yonghao, and my PPT was like Lei Jun. My arrogant comments and wonderful functions convinced my colleagues. They all called me "Little Prince of Eight", but I prefer the nickname "Zhangjiang Alpha Dog" given me by a cleaning aunt.
But I don't care what others call me, because those are false names, like clouds. Be low-key, just like I ride a bicycle every day, no one knows that I have an electric car
Based on my own experience, I can talk more about how to bring down a big tech player.
1. Check in to and from get off work
Not only punch in the card, but also install infrared sensors on the workstation and install monitoring software on the computer. No time to fish, tired as a dog all day. No, dogs are not as tired as you.
2. Mandatory 996
Papa Ma is right, 996 is the blessing of TM, and the ants will go up the tree sooner or later. I'm afraid you will have your life to make money and spend your life. But don't be so negative. You have to firmly believe that as long as you insist on working overtime and working hard, you can get your boss to drive a better car and live in a bigger villa.
3. Use KPI to evaluate him
As long as you work hard, there is no technical master who cannot be defeated by KPIs. Focus on assessing him: the amount of code submissions, test case coverage, the number of online bugs, attendance and work hours...Anyway, he will be punished heavily if he catches an opportunity.
4. Meetings all day long
The skill is so good, it's a pity not to use it to brag, and to hold a variety of meetings with a technical expert, so that he has no time to write code and does not practice for three days. It made him think he was an internet celebrity, he could easily eat with his mouth open, and the technology would be completely useless in less than a year.
5. Work is often interrupted
In the era of fragmentation, work must be fragmented. I often find a technical expert to talk about life and dreams. When life and dreams are about the same, talk about philosophy...so that he has no time to work on code, code quality It gets worse and worse, and gradually loses enthusiasm for technology.
6, unified code style
Don't let go of any space, carriage return, line feed, naming conventions, exception catching methods...Anything that doesn't meet the specifications will be stared at him. The coding content is not important, but the form is important. Code that looks like shit can't run much better. This is the age of looking at the value.
7. Do CRUD all day
Don't be afraid of overkilling. We are a big factory, and some are bad money. We like to read CRUD written by doctors of prestigious schools. The low-key, luxurious and connotative style is too in line with the temperament of our founder. Every line of code is shining with wisdom.
8. Write PPT all day long
Architects who can't write PPT are not good sales. Luo Yonghao has built a PPT-driven mobile phone company; Boss Jia, writing a good PPT makes us suffocate for dreams; PPT can also build cars and issue air coins. PPT is an ancient skill, PPT is well written, and it is hard to beg for food.
9. Arrange a few Xiaobai for him to take
Do you want to copy 10 tech masters? Go to the labor market to find someone else to pick the leftovers and arrange them for the big cows. Take such a high salary, right? Waiting for you to train 10 capable workers, even if they are only 1/10th of your ability, and then kill you, it is still a good deal. After all, labor is cheap.
10. Laugh at the bug he wrote
Technologists are also humans. They make mistakes if they are human, and immediately report a bug to the entire company. Who calls you a great technical man, a great man should be perfect: you don't eat, sleep, or take money, you can only write code all day long, and there will never be bugs.
11. Give him 2 tests
Arrange 2 tests for the technical man, male. He mentally insulted him, treated all kinds of dissatisfaction, and spurred the big cows, such as white box testing, black box testing, stress testing, security testing, user experience testing, compatibility testing, and 360-degree testing without dead ends.
12. Frequently change demand
Technologists can develop agilely, so they are more agile than anyone else, and the product is done with just a few words. If you develop it for a long time, you don’t believe that you can get the product agile. It’s time to perform some real agility.
13. Don't give him training opportunities
Knowledge is like underwear, invisible but important, so we have to learn and receive training. 996 is still busy, how can there be kung fu training? Work is the best training. Sharpshooters are fed with bullets. Only in war can you learn to war.
14. PHP is the best language
Destroying a great technologist must first destroy his beliefs. XXX is the best language. There is no one, and refutation is not acceptable.
15. Don't let him touch technology
Have you ever seen a coal miner who became a coal boss by digging coal faster and faster? Therefore, if the technology is done well, there is no future. If you have a certain level of skill, let him switch to product, testing, art, and business, and if he doesn't work, he can switch to the boss.
16. Let him manage
Flicker technical experts to do management: Look at the old K, he hasn't written code for more than 10 years, and he flickers all day long. Isn't that awesome?
Conclusion
I have always been passionate about technology. When I was a kid, I admired scientists the most. I secretly vowed that I would be a very smart man in the future. After years of hard work, I finally achieved half of it. I'm... already absolutely.
Life is like this, he is teasing you, but you take it seriously.