We are here to demonstrate some of the instruments in the application, will be substantially penalized sentence, see if you have made these mistakes, and from below to find out whether the blind spot on the semantics and logic, and rewrite a better way of expression .
1. I didn’t totally focus my attention on study, I alsoparticipated in a lot of activities.
2. I would like to do everything if I can, to compensate for mylow GPA.
3. I must have more co-operative opportunities to do researchwith other departments.
4. I can tolerate the rigors and challenges of the MBA program.
5. Mary is a smart learner. I only need to teach her once, andshe asks no more questions.
6. John processes excellent communication skills, I was veryshocked by the way he explains difficult concepts.
1. I didn’t totally focus my attention on study, I also participated in a lot of activities.
It reads like: I do not have all focused on their studies, and also participated in many activities .............
(You come to school, but did not fully focused on their studies, this is not the cart before the horse does not reach the student's duty to make it?)
This misunderstanding is generated because the semantics explicit enough. Expression of intent should want to be: I not only focus on their studies, and also participated in many activities
Can be rewritten Not onlydid I focus my attention on study, I also participated .............
(Note: Not only when that begins to use the inverted sentences)
2. I would like to do everything if I can, to compensate for my low GPA.
Many people unsatisfactory results, so I want to write will try even harder to make up after express themselves. But AdmissionCommittee will think you have a four-year university chance effort pulled your GPA, why only now to compensate? Recommended not to write this sentence, exposes its short, not to mention many of the GPA, while not ideal, is finally successful the schools admission.
(Further reading: How to explain the poor performance in the SOP (reading program))
3. I must have more co-operative opportunities to do research with other departments.
This sentence grammar is correct, but there are a lot of semantic problem, because there are two wrong words.
First, Must is a must mean tone with a command or mandatory.
It sounds like the opportunity to command the other party must let you work with other sectors.
Second, cooperate / cooperate meant although cooperation, but cooperation with semantics. For example: in class, the teacher asked students to cooperate, lectures to be quiet and orderly, or the police were asked to drive with rummage. But on academic cooperation, the emphasis is on contributions to both learned together, not just one party simply with the other. So academic cooperation between scholars and academics, university or institution, with the right word collaborate, so as to show that you want to work with other college in the study, not what you ask for anything more in the research institute to do time to fit you.
Original want to express is "the opportunity to be your school after enrollment there will be more cooperation with other departments," changed to "I will definitely / certainly have more opportunities to collaborate with other departments." Consistent with the original intent.
4. I can tolerate the rigors and challenges of the MBA program.
This sentence is tolerated inside tolerate the meaning of the word is often used in a negative place. The school curriculum is a positive challenge, should not be tolerated by the word, or you express is like reading the same suffering. It also had to skip school you will be places for other students willing to accept the challenge.
The correct wording is I look forward to the rigors and challenges of the MBA program.
5. Mary is a smart learner. I only need to teach her once, and she asks no more questions.
In the letter of recommendation from the inside, the student teacher's intention is very smart, teach one that is able to digest, no other doubts. However, many people own written in English came out, it will write the above sentence.
Smart and aggressive foreign students are very enthusiastic to ask questions, eager to participate in the discussion on behalf of their own sense of participation and self-motivated. If you write a letter of recommendation above is said "does notask any questions" or "asks nomore questions" This is actually a very negative comment. This is the most typical of correct grammar, but context and understand the language of logic errors example.
所以建议改成 : Mary is a fast learner who comprehends/grasps difficult concepts quickly. She is veryproactive in class discussions.
6. John has excellent communication skills, I was very shocked by the way he explains difficult concepts.
shocked the word carries a negative meaning to be frightened. Here if you want to praise John, better to say I was very impressed ...... ..
Usually in the usual chat occasions, wrong harmless. But when written on official documents, in addition to the grammar is correct, we must focus on contextual understanding of the language and logic, in order to achieve efficient expression and communication. After writing for more than a few times to check to see if there are local semantic unreasonable.
Reproduced in: https: //www.jianshu.com/p/fd32dbc8eb1d