reference:
https://www.zhihu.com/question/308899000/answer/1115805116
Tell a own business.
My girlfriend is a facial paralysis, usually deadpan, giving a feeling of a stranger not to close, it is natural, of course, it is also good to see her smile, there is a sense of contrast.
I would be a more reasonable person, outsiders known as a gentleman, I'm from the outset and his girlfriend said, I definitely interfere in your personal freedom, your social own thing, because if the two of us fall in love, you will cut off dealings with the opposite sex, as your personal development is also unfavorable, as long as you do not cross the line, I do not care.
Then I PubMed That year she participated in the work, we both off-site, the result is that she did not participate in the work of two months derailed, derailed object is a man of the same company, two years younger than her.
The man no culture, high school did not read, nor operational capacity, can only do the most common sales, looks dressed only be regarded as lower middle, but he would stalker, every day is pestering girlfriend chat, and according to his girlfriend saying she did not refuse good man, but he was very good to her, it is habit, and finally good on.
The girlfriend of her mouth well what is it? But is her home from work every day, often to her baby, often about her out to play.
After they are good, the girlfriend often sent him a small gift "to make repay," and particularly interesting, because he said that he and his girlfriend had a boyfriend, so they both things although foes in Azeri company I know, but it is not always formal relations. While at the same time and my girlfriends, and another man also entangled ambiguous female colleagues, this is actually the girlfriend had a subtle sense of crisis, girlfriend wages, and He made her beg for a more than 600 pieces down jacket, she quickly took it before my birthday and she was to send a birthday cake + one pair of cheap shoes made in China only. And the two of them go out and play the girlfriend are out of money, two months to happen, no matter the relaxed, open room is a girlfriend to pay. He start to finish no pay any money, nothing depends stalker.
Women always like to say that men do not understand a woman's heart, in fact, a woman is particularly simple, so simple that men think "women should not be so be it, otherwise stupid" that many men could not guess a woman's mind, in fact, is just smart anti cleverness Bale.
You think that respect for women, to give them their rights, and strict with themselves, will be able to receive the same respect for women, it would be wrong, they do not necessarily know this truth. Just as a lot of people do not care about morality among men, among women as there will be a lot of people do not care about morality, he assumes that "a woman from childhood by parents who claim to love yourself, and it should not contact with the boys," so a woman is more attentive to the moral, this idea is wrong , do men grew up without moral culture received it? Loyalty, integrity and moral values which are written in the textbooks everyone can learn, but whether man or woman will not necessarily be able to comply with this truth.
If you want to pursue a female, must not be too concerned about her sex, do not always think, "this is the woman, the woman is so," otherwise it will be more difficult to succeed.
And an additional title Lord said a phenomenon, according to my observation, women generally social narrow, has a 18-year-old adult women, around real good friends is often not more than two, a true friend in the vast majority of women into society after graduation They are not, in fact, those so-called girlfriends touched on the broken. Because the world is a patriarchal society generally speaking, everyone will obey his father from an early age is male management, which in turn led to the vast majority of women are not good at an early age and even social conflict, so you will find my reading, I prefer girls than boys cliques, engage in small groups, this is because women than men widespread lack of awareness on social independence, they only rely on others or co-dependency in order to maintain a sense of security.
Back to the example I mentioned above, why my girlfriend and I have been feeling good, but she flew on the derailment of it after a short off-site? Because she was insecure, she and I separated after not in the same city, she naturally want to find people that can provide a sense of security to her, but women are more difficult to unite the community to each other, so they could not she find partners, but at this time as long as there is a thick skinned enough man appeared, she naturally hungry, and even as a sense of a little bit of crisis, they are willing to lose money to each other, most women, that white is such a weak and simple creatures, many men are aware of this, so usually when the sister in particular themselves, but they will not say that the secret to let women know it.
Many women, and it was delayed, but also stupid little sweet to think they can rely on found objects, often clever little upset how they always encounter slag own men, but they often did not understand in the end why they would be like this, why some women do not have their experience. I called this woman's basic contradiction, the contradiction between the women of the opposite sex that is accompanied by strong demand and a serious lack of independent judgment.
Child memorized classical essay is not? The Chi Chi Meng, hold silk cloth trade. Talking about is a woman in the strong desire for a sense of security, knowing that inappropriate, or be defeated by the other's strong offensive, finally found each other is actually a male slag, and his best youth has been delayed story. I call this phenomenon, since the birth of patriarchal society has existed, not apocryphal.
So before you start the pursuit of a woman, only need to carefully observe whether she can give her a sense of security around a person on the line, if the lack of normal social woman, then she must lack a sense of security, as long as you stalker, she must hit. There are typical, small lack of fatherly motherly woman, family disharmony woman, just a woman came to the new environment, the lack of a woman friend, colleague relations are not harmonious woman, these women generally lack a sense of security, lack of confidence, Some people may want to rely on, the Raiders are easy targets. You have to remember, at least in China, personality independent woman still rare than giant pandas, most women just verbal independent, or independent thought, they simply can not do honest and clean, do not tell right from wrong, and most with spikes angry wrapped up themselves.
You see those so-called bubble science, why always teach you to start in the club, Why not start to teach you in school? 90% would go to nightclubs because women are insecure, and the remaining 10% are interested in to find stimulation, men pick a woman to go to nightclubs to start, it was a challenge a prospective, easily able to succeed in. If the alignment of the eight children of students, people do not have a stable social insecurity, they will only cause you to strike up a conversation vigilance.
Finally, said two pairs of female friends, I have seen a small video lecture, a foreign guy and the girls say, why do women take the first step should be brave, take the initiative to look for heterosexual couples? Because life in 90% of men will not easily pursue a woman, they will keep their distance out of respect and courtesy with the opposite sex, but there are 10% of men do not care about ethics and respect, so they will be very casually on to strike up a conversation women, who go on the road all right and you will suddenly say "hi, I love you" ah? This man is the most should beware, they are what we call the male slag, they can because of the lack of morality and shame and easily pursue you, will be able to because of the lack of morality and shame and easily disappoint you .
Therefore, female friends should move up and take the initiative to make friends with the opposite sex, more contact with several types of boys, you will quickly establish a more correct on the marriage of their own, but in the process you will quickly understand the rules of the social, thus become more independent.
Now a lot of so-called women's rights advocate rejection of the opposite sex from the media, complete with hostile eyes face of a man, this is wrong, because as long as there is a breakthrough in male cheeky slag build your defense with spikes and anger, because you will be missing social experience and independent personality and easily fall.
Open source is better throttle, to prevent sticking to its dregs male in the case of ignorance, it is better to accumulate their own social experience, until the man appeared slag you will no longer be cheated.
Sufficient sense of independence and a high degree of security, is to deal with the two magic male slag, which as long as there is, they can not trouble.
Above, to pay tribute to independent women, I wish the world lovers get married, everyone would like to find true love.
I'm very happy because we can answer and gain something, share their findings have learned a purely altruistic style happy. But we still hope to focus on my point, not only my personal point of view the experience of testifying.
A friend mentioned in the comments section, so-called "high cool girls more likely to be 'social person' catch 'is not what I call the" sense of security "issues or" sense of independence ", but" Three Views "question this is in fact many times I have thought about where to elaborate on my personal understanding:
First, the three concept is a very large concept, it also includes people's "world view", "life" and "values." World view and perspective will affect the pattern of a person, and then about behavioral patterns of people; life will affect the attitude of a person's life, and then about an important choice to make in developing human; values do not have to say, we are most familiar is this it affects our lives every right to choose a small weight.
The three "concept" that links and differences, is the three together view, it is formed by our experiences, in turn, affect our more experienced, so see "Three Views" It is indeed important, however, to analyze problems time, emphasis should analyze specific issues, if casual encounter any problems are generally, is "three Views problem" - almost like a lot of knowledge on the so-called big V, to talk about all social problems ultimately given a "class curing "answer - actually made a mistake of idealism, dogmatism error, so, it will never come to the insights. So when thinking of, I think, better to try to avoid the "one size fits all" answer.
Secondly, my point is, in fact, different and "Three Views on the" contradiction, on the contrary, the problem "sense of security and independence", and just to be able to "Three Views of" supplementing, but it is more related to the daily life of some of the details, pay more attention to the practical, rather than theoretical.
Now suppose we have two girls, the first person we call A, the second man we call B.
A: materialist world outlook, outlook on life optimism, realism values.
B: idealist world outlook, outlook on life hedonism, existential values.
Three views of these two individuals are very different, one from the Three Views of view, who do you think is more likely to be male slag pursue it?
I believe most people will choose the first reaction B, because B idealism, but also indulge in pleasures, the face of the merits also like to make fun of; the other hand, A, she materialistic, positive and optimistic, consider the issue from reality. B theoretically more likely to fall after being male wraps slag, slag and A is likely to see through men, so as not to hit.
but.
Now let me tell you, these two girls are actually present, both of them are male slag wrap too, A suffer, and B did not how to be affected.
I was still in high school when the home, have sought two girls are A and B, I was impulsive, belligerent, the bottom of his class, skipping all day long on the Internet to know, never considered his future also do not care about the future of others.
The first is A, she is the class group secretary, good grades, aggressive, stronger personality, love to laugh, and talking to people is very confident.
And how I catch up with her then? But that is going to night classes always find her by cell phone to play, recess, physical education is always looking for her jokes chat, occasionally brought her breakfast, and then one day going to night classes after school in public hug her in the corridor, not long before we formally confirm the relationship between the two.
At that time, however cock, I learned later, A's family is very happy, his biological father unfortunately died young, and his mother later remarried and current husband had a sister, the family had a very hard, plus high school learning nervous, her heart is always filled with insecurities, and I was in front of her to pursue her tough attitude, it is a natural corollary.
And I was not alone in her pursuit of a man, a man for two months earlier I pursued her, but did not catch up, for the simple reason that the main problem portrait, is politely pursuit, leaving room for the pursuit, and the A the three Views, subject to the availability of space to think, she is absolutely not in that case and the boys fall in love.
But men do not slag will give you space to think, in the case of the lack of thinking, people will always subconsciously choose those inside desperate things, and she needs a sense of security, I can give her, and I do not give him space to think independently from the beginning she was no choice.
Later, like all male slag harm the good girl of the story, her accomplishments serious setbacks, but also because this family had a big fight, group secretary's office has also been done away. As for me, as the instigator, did not help a little busy on the second year transfer to the city, to go to a better school. This feeling on this end, I did not lose her best learning time, and it was delayed.
Then B, I transferred to the city, on the understanding B, her performance although less than A, but also pretty good, and different A meticulous, her joy of life is very broad, playful playful, never and people will get angry, even occasionally act as the role of peacemaker. B pursuit process is particularly simple, one day at noon we both arrived early, I sat beside her and spoke to her a few words, I see her hand was in his pockets and asked if she was cold hands, she nodded, I the unauthorized hand into her pocket. We'll chat in hand when no one in the classroom, skipping out to play together, to put lanterns along the river, I'm still that way, performance bottom, fiery irritability, ignorant and incompetent.
But I always feel, but also across a little distance between me and B, then I do not understand, it is not separated between two other people, it is her sense of independence, consciousness is invisible, so that B always clearly and I keep some distance, very good condition B family, every holiday to go to Thailand, Hong Kong, Maldives holiday play, and she was an only child, the parents grew up very responsible for her training, coupled with her pleasure playful personality, her childhood had the experience of a variety of boys, she knows how to deal with boys, how to face up to their heart's emotions.
I have reason to judge, if I did not happen to be her favorite type, separated by a distance between me and her will was far more than a thousand times times.
High School end of the period, she sent me a card, wrote a message to, and now all I can recall which one: it would be better feelings parked in the wind, leaving a blank, to seek their future.
Cut off contact, the third year of school when I learned that she turn to a simpler entrance provinces, she always knew the two of us will soon be separated, so do not let this feeling become too heavy. At that moment I suddenly realized that, true independence is the ability of their own, while others take responsibility.
After repentant, + repeat third year, two years to make up for the loss of a lot of things in the past, on a barely established a long-term goal in life, it is not even.
Visible, Three Views on the human impact, but the time to discuss specific issues, Three Views often can not decide everything, personality, emotions, traits of these things have a complementary role, the same people would generate a significant role.
Ramble wrote a bunch, I hope you do not think that my long-winded, also welcome to share their views and ideas, the more truth is debated next year.
In addition, A repeat later, the university admitted 985, now joined graduate work, I had to apologize to her senior year in high school, but she did not accept, and that will win back lost by their own efforts. I am ashamed that she has in such a way to make a woman learn to become more independent.